kathierif_fic (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kathierif_fic) wrote2010-11-05 05:34 pm
kathierif_fic) wrote2010-11-05 05:34 pm
Fic: A Long And Winding Road (Stargate Atlantis AU, John Sheppard/Ronon Dex, FRAO) 2/3
continued from Part 1
Evan is too weak to walk the path to the village on his own, but he’s still capable of settling on his knees on the ground with the air of someone who has been trained since early childhood to do so, and Teyla sighs and runs her fingers gently through his hair before she gives him a bowl of soup and some loose-fitting clothes. She tells him to rest and returns to the village, to take care of her people, and this time, she makes Ronon and John help her.
By the time they return to the house, Evan is curled up on the ground in the corner, pale and thin and asleep. Teyla sends Torren to meditate, and Ronon bends down and picks up Evan again, to put him on the pallet.
“It probably is the wisest decision, to let him rest and regain his strength,” Teyla says as she spreads a blanket over him, even if she is curious and wants to know what Evan knows, what he remembers. She reaches for John and leans her forehead against his for a long moment. John holds still and carefully strokes his hand over her shoulder.
That night, he dreams about a man reaching into his head with a broad, cold, unloving hand and messing with his memories, deleting them while he is looking for something. It hurts, and John wants to scream, but he can’t, and he wakes up with a strangled gasp because he threw himself off the end of the bed. Cold sweat covers his entire body, and his knees are weak and shaky when he staggers back to the bed. Both Ronon and Teyla are awake and look at him questioningly. Ronon eases the grip on his gun, and Teyla rubs her shin with a hand, but she holds out her other hand and draws John into the bed and into the warm, safe space between Ronon and her. He curls up under the blankets gracefully, Ronon wraps his arm around his middle, and Teyla holds his hands and leans her forehead against his.
“I believe,” she says after a moment, when John is already starting to doze off again, “we need a bigger bed, in case Evan suffers from the same nightmares as John.”
Ronon grunts a non-committal answer into the back of John’s neck and runs his hands over John’s stomach in gentle patterns.
“He’s more aware than John ever was,” he says, a few moments later. “Remembers the Athosian finger signs and claims he knows where Laura is.”
“That is certainly good,” Teyla says. Her thumbs brush soothingly over John’s hands, and he falls asleep like that, protected by their bodies and safe, the sound of their voices lulling him into sleep.
~*+*~
The next morning, John brings Evan a pen and a pad of writing paper. Evan takes both with a smile, as if he knows exactly why John did, even if John doesn’t. He awkwardly touches Evan’s shoulder and leaves the house again.
Touching Evan, he thinks, feels weird, not as natural as touching Ronon or Teyla does. He doesn’t know what it means, and thinking about it won’t get him anywhere, he knows from experience. The harder he tries to remember things, the farther they move away from his grasp. Instead, he goes and finds Ronon and sinks to his knees in the loose, sun-warmed ground behind their house. His hands are steady as they unlace the front of Ronon’s pants and draw his dick out, and John kisses the soft skin of Ronon’s stomach softly while forming a circle with his thumb and fingers and sets to work on getting Ronon hard, to thank him for taking care of John the night before.
He doesn’t take long, and when he feels Ronon’s hand in his hair, he grins and wraps his mouth around Ronon, enjoying the taste and weight of his dick on his tongue.
When he comes back inside, Evan is kneeling by Teyla’s feet, and the picture of a woman’s face is hastily sketched out on the paper. Next to it is a set of gate symbols.
John stares at the picture until his eyes burn. He thinks he knows that person, that woman – it has to be Laura, it can’t be anyone else, but where does he know her from, and why is he feeling protective of a woman he doesn’t even remember?
They leave soon after, Teyla and Ronon, both armed and with a determined expression on their faces.
When they return, Teyla has acquired a second wife for her husband – Laura.
“It doesn’t really mean we’re married, right?” Laura asks after dinner and turns her spoon between her fingers.
Ronon grins amusedly at her. “No, we’re not,” he promises.
“Good,” Laura answers fervently and relaxes slightly. “I would hate to have to kill you in the middle of the night.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Teyla cuts in. “However, we could use your expertise with explosives, Lieutenant.”
Laura snorts. “Call me Laura,” she says tiredly. “I haven’t been a Lieutenant for five years now.” Her smile is dangerous. “You just got yourselves an explosives specialist – if I can have Evan back.”
~*+*~
Laura’s input and expertise help immensely when they take down the next Wraith Hive, and afterwards, they are sitting together around a merry fire and celebrate that they survived and there is one Hive ship less in the galaxy. The alcohol flows freely, and Laura sits down next to Teyla and stretches out her legs. She’s wearing leather pants and boots and a woolen shirt, like the Satedans, and Teyla gives her a smile without turning her focus away from the celebrations.
“So…you and Ronon, huh?” Laura says quietly and passes Teyla a full cup of wine.
Teyla nods. “He was there after Kanaan died,” she says by way of explanation. “And he is a good father to Torren and Melena.” She tilts her head to the side. “How did you end up with Evan in your possession in the first place?”
Laura takes a sip of her own drink. “He was a present,” she explains. “From my…husband.” A dry laugh escapes her. “After he was grabbed in an attack on the village, I was planning on leaving him, but I knew he wouldn’t let me…I guess I should thank you guys again for getting me out of there.”
She falls silent for a moment, her thoughts planets away. “I was lucky I got him,” she finally continues. “Even if he doesn’t remember anything about me, and the programming wiped out a huge chunk of who he used to be, you know? Just knowing that he was there…that he needed me…”
Teyla nods. “We feel the same about John,” she admits. “Although I have to say, it was a shock at first, when Ronon brought him home.”
Laura pulls up her shoulders. “The programming…the need to please…it’s pretty hard to think of them in that role, huh?”
“Yes.” Teyla sighs. “We were hoping that the effects fade with time, and that John will return to his former self, but so far, he did not.”
“And to imagine, that all ATA-gene-carriers are like this,” Laura murmurs. “Do you have any ideas how many of our people got rescued by the Daedalus?”
“I do not know for certain,” Teyla admits. “Most of them, I hope.”
They sit in silence in the middle of a celebration and drink, and after another long moment, Laura starts talking again.
“I don’t remember much about that day, you know? Only about getting taken in by a tribe that lived underground, and by the time I realized I should better find the city, nobody was there anymore, but somebody wrote a gate address on the floor, so I decided to go there, try to find out if anyone else had been left behind. Took me almost three years to find Evan. And when I did, I didn’t really expect him to be like this. I had no clue how to deal with the programming, even if it wasn’t that much present. Only sometimes.”
“What did you do?”
“Order him around a little.” Laura sighs softly and runs her hand through her long hair. “To be honest, I think sometimes that glimpses of his personality manage to come through. Or maybe I was just desperately hoping they did.”
Teyla frowns slightly. “Are you certain?”
One shoulder moves in a small shrug. “He doesn’t talk, but when he’s asleep, he makes…sounds,” she says. “His voice…it’s still there, Teyla. And if his voice is still there, then maybe the rest of him is, as well – maybe the programming is reversible.”
They stare at each other for a moment, and Laura’s lips twist into a grimace. “I never thought I’d say it, but I would love to have McKay here right now.”
“Yes,” Teyla agrees. She doesn’t say what’s on her mind – that Rodney McKay is an ATA-gene-carrier, as well, and therefore most likely in the same situation as John and Evan and not much help for them.
Evan comes closer. He refills both Teyla’s and Laura’s cups and then settles down, his head in Laura’s lap. He smiles softly, and Laura runs her fingers through his hair and stares into the fire, once again lost in her thoughts.
Teyla leaves her and allows her own thoughts to wander. For the first time in long years, she allows herself to think of Rodney, and she sends a prayer to the Ancestors for him.
~*+*~
John finds himself on the ground between Ronon’s legs, his cheek resting comfortably against a powerful thigh. Melena is in his arms, asleep despite the noise around them, and Torren sits pressed against Ronon’s side, his cheeks reddened with excitement. He is allowed to sit with the adults today and listen to their stories of fighting the Wraith, and Ronon has one arm slung casually around his thin shoulders, officially claiming him as his son, and Torren almost vibrates with pride.
After a while, Teyla joins them and sits down on Ronon’s other side, completing their family, but still, John has the weird feeling that there is something still missing.
He just doesn’t know what it is.
~*+*~
The celebration is still in full-swing when Jinto, alone and armed, steps into the village. Teyla greets him – he’s Athosian, after all, and one of her people, and Halling follows suit, pressing his forehead against Jinto’s for a long moment.
Jinto is serious, and he murmurs with Teyla and Halling, his face filled barely hidden excitement and joy. Teyla listens to his tale, and when he’s finished, she asks, “Are you certain?”
Jinto just nods.
Teyla smiles.
She excuses herself and goes to let Ronon know what Jinto reported, but Ronon isn’t among their people anymore, the spot by the fire where she’d seen him and John last is deserted. Torren is dozing with his head in Laura’s lap, and Evan is holding Melena.
“Ronon? He grabbed John, or John grabbed him, and they went in the direction of the fields,” Laura explains when Teyla asks, and Teyla shakes her head in fond amusement. It is nothing new to her that John and Ronon sneak away during celebrations and harvest festivals; in fact they did it before, under the guise of checking the area and making sure no Wraith were hiding in the woods, but Teyla knows what they really did.
Laura looks at her thoughtfully. “Doesn’t it bother you?” she asks hesitantly. “About John…and your husband?”
Teyla shakes her head. “No,” she replies truthfully. “I am not bothered by their relationship. John is my friend.”
John is her friend, and Ronon has always been in love with John. He had admitted it to her in his first year on Atlantis. He had told Teyla when they had started to sneak off together, and Teyla had kept his secret – their secret – close to her heart and never told anyone. She loves John like the brother she never had, and there is nothing she would not share with her brother – not even her husband, because she knows that it doesn’t make Ronon love her less. If possible, it makes him love her more.
“Come,” she says instead of explaining this further to Laura. “Let us go home. These children require their beds.”
Torren protests sleepily, but he doesn’t fight when Laura and Teyla pull him up to his feet and slowly herd him toward their home. Evan doesn’t let go of Melena, and Teyla smiles and hooks her arm into his, and it is as if Laura and Evan have been part of their family for all these years instead of just a few weeks.
She puts Torren to bed and sits with him for a moment, running her hand through his soft hair. He looks peaceful, relaxed, a younger version of Kanaan, even with his hair growing long. He wants to wear it like Ronon, he begged and pleaded with her to let him do this for months now.
Torren doesn’t remember Kanaan, and even if he is Athosian by blood, he is the first child growing up with both Athosian and Satedan culture as part of his heritage.
Their people are growing together, since there aren’t enough of them left so survive on their own. Their village now counts a little over three hundred Athosians and one hundred and fifty Satedans, plus three Lanteans.
Teyla smiles and tucks the blanket around her son.
When she steps back into the main room, Laura is smiling brilliantly. Evan is rocking Melena in his arms, grinning down at her and humming something that Teyla recognizes as an old Lantean lullaby.
He’s humming.
Teyla is still grinning when Ronon and John come back home, hours later. Ronon’s clothes are in disarray, John’s lips are swollen, and he’s smiling as if he knows something they don’t.
Maybe he does.
Ronon squints questioningly at her, and Teyla takes a deep breath.
“Jinto found Carson.”
~*+*~
Both Teyla and Ronon are awake when John sits up between them, sweat already drying on his shaking body and a soundless scream on his lips. It’s another nightmare, this one about being captured and fed on by a Wraith, until he dies, and John wouldn’t be surprised if he kicked both of them. It was an intense dream, almost more than even reality is, and John keens soundlessly and curls himself into a ball. Not even Teyla’s hand on his shoulder or Ronon’s steady presence by his side is quite enough to drive the panic away again; even more, for the first time that he can remember he doesn’t want to be close to them, wants to hide his weakness from them.
It confuses him – he knows he can trust them, and he knows they both have their own nightmares to deal with and won’t judge him for his. He knows all that, and yet, he feels as if he should be stronger and able to lead them.
He tries to shake off that thought – him, leading Teyla Emmagan, the leader of the Athosians, and Ronon Dex, first taskmaster of the surviving Satedans? It’s probably just the effects of the drinks he’d had the night before. They make his brain go insane and over-ambitious.
He’s sure that Ronon and Teyla will set him free if he asks them for it, and they’ll do it without hesitating and without any ill will toward him – but he doesn’t know how to ask them, and if he wants to.
He likes Ronon and Teyla.
He likes being with Ronon and Teyla.
He likes belonging to Ronon and Teyla.
He exhales shakily as he uncurls and presses himself against Ronon’s body, his hand already reaching between them, molding itself against the outline of Ronon’s soft dick, as if he needs to prove to himself – no he doesn’t count, he’s just a slave, he needs to prove to his Master – that his treacherous thoughts are not what he really wants.
“John,” Ronon murmurs and wraps both arms around him, trapping him against Ronon’s broad chest and holding him there. “It’s okay, relax…”
But he can’t relax, not until he has his hand wrapped around Ronon’s dick and is stroking gently, and Ronon’s hands are clenched tight in his hair and holding him still for a bruising kiss.
Dimly, he is aware of Teyla behind him, shifting and moving into a sitting position, and then, her voice, quiet and in control of the situation, of him.
“John,” she says, “Take him. Into your mouth. Pleasure him.”
Ronon groans, and John squirms out of his arms and presses himself against him. His lips wrap around the head of Ronon’s dick as soon as he peels back the pants, his tongue swirls around the soft skin and dips into the slit at the tip, the way Ronon likes it, and then, he slowly takes more of Ronon into his mouth, feels him harden against his tongue and the back of his throat, and slowly pulls back before he chokes.
“Yes, like that,” Teyla says encouragingly. “Go on, John.”
John wraps his hand around Ronon’s dick and reaches for his balls with the other. He bobs his head, and Ronon’s dick slides wetly into his mouth and out again, glistening in the soft light of the lamp. John shuffles to the side on his knees, to give Teyla a better view of what he’s doing, and pulls back. He sticks out his tongue and teasingly runs it over the head of Ronon’s dick, along the ridge and then he brushes just the pointed tip of it down the underside, until he reaches Ronon’s balls and he can suck them into his mouth, one by one.
Ronon makes a faint, broken sound at the back of his throat. His fingers clench in John’s hair, but he doesn’t try to force John to do anything, he just holds on to him.
“Yes,” Teyla says. She sounds slightly breathless, and John dares to look up at her. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes half-closed, but she still keeps them focused on what John is doing.
Ronon is fully hard now, a drop of milky-white pre-come collecting at the tip of his erection, and John licks it off, his tongue curling around Ronon’s dick again and again, as if it is a tasty treat, like a lump of sugar.
He is showing off, and he enjoys every second of it, every tug of Ronon’s fingers in his hair, every rustle of the bedsheets, every shallow breath Teyla takes in behind him.
Again, he sinks his mouth around the darkened length, until the fist he wrapped around the base of it is slick and wet with spit and pre-come.
“John,” Teyla says, her voice firm despite the shortness of breath, and John knows what she wants, what he’s supposed to do now.
It is almost reluctantly that he pulls off, a wet sound proving his obedience to Teyla’s order, unspoken as it is.
Teyla’s hand tangles in his dark hair and pulls him back, firmly, but not cruelly, and she presses dry, cool, closed lips against his hot, swollen mouth.
“You did good,” she tells him as she leans her forehead against John’s for a second. “Good, John.”
John knows what that means. He rolls out of bed and pads on bare feet out of the room. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Teyla straddle Ronon’s waist, and he hears Ronon’s moan as he slides into her, and then he leaves them alone.
Sometimes, they just don’t want him there when they have sex.
He curls up on the pallet and tugs the blanket up to his shoulders. It’s not long before he dozes off. He wakes briefly when Teyla tucks the blanket in around his shoulders and kisses his forehead gently, but for the rest of the night, he remains uninterrupted, both by people and nightmares.
~*+*~
It is with Melena strapped to Ronon’s back and Torren protectively held between Ronon and Teyla, John and Evan behind them and Laura and Jinto in front, that they wait for the gate to dial. Laura is still yawning every now and then, although she tries to hide it behind her hand.
None of them got enough sleep the night before, and none of them would agree to staying home, so here they are, because Jinto said Carson wouldn’t be on Perphelia for much longer, and they’ve looked for him for a long time now. Too long to pass up this opportunity.
“You think he’s, you know.” Laura glances over her shoulder briefly. “Himself?”
Teyla tilts her head to the side. “I hope so,” she says and rests her hand on Torren’s shoulder before she nods at Jinto to dial. “We will hopefully find out soon.”
“Yeah,” Laura smiles and squares her shoulders as the gate flares to life. “Soon.”
Perphelia is a dry, dusty world, with high cliffs that have sharp edges from the hot winds. The gate is perched on the edge of a high mountainside, and the path that leads away from it and to the village is sand-covered and narrow. It leads down into one of the canyons, at a steep angle. They all walk pressed to the mountainside and hope that the sand under the soles of their boots won’t make them slip and fall.
The village is small, but bustling with life. John thinks that the Perphelians found a pretty good spot to hide from the Wraith; no dart can fly safely in these canyons and the village itself is built into the mountainside. John has no idea how far into the rock it actually goes, and the question loses its appeal to his curiosity when Ronon comes to a stop right in front of him, laughs loudly and hurries the last few feet, sand sliding and slipping under his boots, until he has his arm wrapped around a small man with wild hair. He’s dressed in a brown shirt that’s held closed with a sturdy belt, a belt with many pouches, and loose pants, clothes typical for traders on many planets in this galaxy.
The man squeaks in surprise before he recognizes Ronon, and then his own thin arms come up to hug Ronon and cling to his strong neck with wiry strength.
Teyla comes next. “Radek,” she says before she hugs him as well.
Radek. John rolls the name soundlessly around his mouth. It sounds familiar, almost painfully so, just like Ronon’s and Teyla’s names have been. He exchanges a glance with Evan, but Evan just shrugs helplessly.
They both should know who Radek is, but all they know is that they can trust him.
Radek looks at them nervously and pushes his glasses up his nose. “Still no change?” he asks in his accented voice, and Teyla shakes her head.
“We were hoping to find Dr. Beckett,” she begins, and Radek nods. “Yes, yes, Carson. Come on, I’ll bring you to him.”
“Is he okay?” Laura asks and falls in step with Radek. “I mean…is he a slave, too?”
She sounds worried, but Radek just shakes his head. “No, no, he’s fine. Remember, he wasn’t on Atlantis when it happened.”
“How did you find him?” Teyla wants to know, and Radek shrugs and runs his hand through his hair. “I didn’t. The Travellers found him for me.”
They round a corner, and there – John feels his heart rate pick up and his breath hitch, and he doesn’t know why he reacts that way to the small spaceship parked there.
“Where’d you get a puddlejumper?” Ronon asks and turns toward John. “Hey, you remember these?”
John doesn’t know how to answer. Instead he reaches out toward the ship, but before he can actually touch it, Ronon laughs again, happy and loud, and he hugs the man who just stepped out of the back of the ship, and then Laura does, half-laughing and half-crying, and then Melena wakes up and starts fussing, and before John knows it, they are in Carson’s makeshift-examination room and Carson is running his hands along his body and talking in a soothing voice about what he’s doing. John likes the way Carson talks, ad he relaxes into his touch without Ronon having to tell him so.
“Physically,” Carson says later, when they’re sharing a meal, “the Colonel and the Major…John and Evan…are completely healthy. They’re both aware of what’s happening around them. The only thing I can say on first glance is that their behavior is…”
“Reprogrammed,” Laura finishes when Carson is groping for words.
“Yes.” Radek nods and stares at the tablet computer in his hands. “But to fix that, we need better systems.” He leans forward and looks Carson deep in the eye. “We need Atlantis.”
Carson looks uncomfortable.
“Last time I saw Atlantis,” Laura says, “it was in ruins. Broken and pretty much destroyed.”
“We only went back once,” Teyla adds. “Before Melena was born.”
“Yeah,” Ronon says. “There was nothing of value left.”
“But.” Radek lifts a finger. “We have the best chances of sending a message to Earth from Atlantis, to let them know we’re still here.” He pauses before he continues. “Rodney is on Earth. If there is someone to crack this reprogramming, it’s Rodney.”
“Are you certain Rodney is on Earth?” Teyla asks, and Radek nods firmly.
“Dr. Keller sent him up to the Daedalus as one of the first,” he says. “He was bleeding and catatonic, like the other gene-carriers…but if there is anyone who can fix this, it’s Rodney.”
Ronon shrugs and holds Melena close to him. “Let’s go, then.”
~*+*~
Carson is flying the puddlejumper, which he and Radek have turned into their home. Laura claims shotgun, and Radek lets her and goes to sit in the back with the rest of them. John is kneeling between Ronon’s legs and resting his cheek against his thigh. His heart is still beating too sharply, too loudly in his chest, but Ronon’s hand in his hair keeps him calm. He can feel the ship around him, and it makes him feel excited. This is important, he knows. He has no idea why, or what for, but it is important.
Evan is in the cockpit, by Laura’s side. When Carson powers up the jumpers’ systems, he makes a soft sound at the back of his throat, and Laura grips his shoulder tight.
“What did you find out about this reprogramming?” Carson asks her as he navigates the ship through the gate.
Laura’s thumb strokes the back of Evan’s neck thoughtfully. “It makes them submit. And amnesiac.” She grimaces. “I know he hasn’t just forgotten everything. He’s still Major Lorne; and he still can do everything he did before, painting, fighting…but he doesn’t remember who he is, where he learned all that…and he thinks he’s a slave.” She shrugs.
“Same with John,” Ronon calls out. “He doesn’t remember who he is, and he’s all submissive and obedient.” He twists his lips into a grimace. “Not really like him.”
John looks up at him with a confused frown, but Ronon just smoothes his hand through his hair again. “As if his personality has been overwritten with the absolute need to please.”
“Yeah.” Laura nods. “I mean…I could order Evan to do anything right now, he would just do it – no matter what it is. If I told him to break your neck, or to give you the foot massage of your life, it wouldn’t make a difference, he would do it.” Evan shifts on his knees at her words, and Laura’s grip on his shoulder tightens.
“Well, that’s…disturbing,” Carson says uncomfortably. The jumper wobbles slightly when he shifts in his seat.
“Yeah.” Laura nods. “Especially if it’s your commanding officer naked on his knees in front of you, because some programming is forcing him to.”
Ronon doesn’t say anything, but he keeps his fingers in John’s hair. John wants to press himself tightly against him and tell him that John wasn’t forced by anything or anyone to do what he does right now, that he likes kneeling by Ronon’s feet, getting all of his attention, but even if he could articulate the words, he knows that Ronon wouldn’t believe him and will think that it’s this reprogramming making him say it.
He remembers Ronon and Teyla talking about this before, but he never really paid more than minimal attention, preferring instead to let the sound of their voices wash over him. Right now he wonders about that – he always wants to know what has happened to him, why he can’t remember anything before Ronon brought him home, so why didn’t he pay more attention? It just doesn’t make sense to him, and a headache starts to pound behind his left eye, making it hard to pay attention to the conversation.
Ronon pets his hair again, and John lets go of all the confusing thoughts in his mind. He doesn’t have to worry about anything but the satisfaction of his Master.
“We’re here,” Carson reports, just as the warm hum that has filled John’s mind the second he set foot in the puddlejumper is replaced by a sharp, high-pitched loud whine in his brain and the puddlejumper lands with a small jerk.
The whine is so loud that it’s painful and John’s mouth opens in a silent scream that echoes around the ship, or maybe it’s Evan’s voice, he doesn’t know and can’t find it in him to think about it.
Warm wetness trickles down his face – his nose is bleeding, his ears are bleeding, his lip where he’s biting down is bleeding, everything is red and painful and hazy.
When unconsciousness claims him, it’s nothing but a relief.
Part 3
Evan is too weak to walk the path to the village on his own, but he’s still capable of settling on his knees on the ground with the air of someone who has been trained since early childhood to do so, and Teyla sighs and runs her fingers gently through his hair before she gives him a bowl of soup and some loose-fitting clothes. She tells him to rest and returns to the village, to take care of her people, and this time, she makes Ronon and John help her.
By the time they return to the house, Evan is curled up on the ground in the corner, pale and thin and asleep. Teyla sends Torren to meditate, and Ronon bends down and picks up Evan again, to put him on the pallet.
“It probably is the wisest decision, to let him rest and regain his strength,” Teyla says as she spreads a blanket over him, even if she is curious and wants to know what Evan knows, what he remembers. She reaches for John and leans her forehead against his for a long moment. John holds still and carefully strokes his hand over her shoulder.
That night, he dreams about a man reaching into his head with a broad, cold, unloving hand and messing with his memories, deleting them while he is looking for something. It hurts, and John wants to scream, but he can’t, and he wakes up with a strangled gasp because he threw himself off the end of the bed. Cold sweat covers his entire body, and his knees are weak and shaky when he staggers back to the bed. Both Ronon and Teyla are awake and look at him questioningly. Ronon eases the grip on his gun, and Teyla rubs her shin with a hand, but she holds out her other hand and draws John into the bed and into the warm, safe space between Ronon and her. He curls up under the blankets gracefully, Ronon wraps his arm around his middle, and Teyla holds his hands and leans her forehead against his.
“I believe,” she says after a moment, when John is already starting to doze off again, “we need a bigger bed, in case Evan suffers from the same nightmares as John.”
Ronon grunts a non-committal answer into the back of John’s neck and runs his hands over John’s stomach in gentle patterns.
“He’s more aware than John ever was,” he says, a few moments later. “Remembers the Athosian finger signs and claims he knows where Laura is.”
“That is certainly good,” Teyla says. Her thumbs brush soothingly over John’s hands, and he falls asleep like that, protected by their bodies and safe, the sound of their voices lulling him into sleep.
~*+*~
The next morning, John brings Evan a pen and a pad of writing paper. Evan takes both with a smile, as if he knows exactly why John did, even if John doesn’t. He awkwardly touches Evan’s shoulder and leaves the house again.
Touching Evan, he thinks, feels weird, not as natural as touching Ronon or Teyla does. He doesn’t know what it means, and thinking about it won’t get him anywhere, he knows from experience. The harder he tries to remember things, the farther they move away from his grasp. Instead, he goes and finds Ronon and sinks to his knees in the loose, sun-warmed ground behind their house. His hands are steady as they unlace the front of Ronon’s pants and draw his dick out, and John kisses the soft skin of Ronon’s stomach softly while forming a circle with his thumb and fingers and sets to work on getting Ronon hard, to thank him for taking care of John the night before.
He doesn’t take long, and when he feels Ronon’s hand in his hair, he grins and wraps his mouth around Ronon, enjoying the taste and weight of his dick on his tongue.
When he comes back inside, Evan is kneeling by Teyla’s feet, and the picture of a woman’s face is hastily sketched out on the paper. Next to it is a set of gate symbols.
John stares at the picture until his eyes burn. He thinks he knows that person, that woman – it has to be Laura, it can’t be anyone else, but where does he know her from, and why is he feeling protective of a woman he doesn’t even remember?
They leave soon after, Teyla and Ronon, both armed and with a determined expression on their faces.
When they return, Teyla has acquired a second wife for her husband – Laura.
“It doesn’t really mean we’re married, right?” Laura asks after dinner and turns her spoon between her fingers.
Ronon grins amusedly at her. “No, we’re not,” he promises.
“Good,” Laura answers fervently and relaxes slightly. “I would hate to have to kill you in the middle of the night.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Teyla cuts in. “However, we could use your expertise with explosives, Lieutenant.”
Laura snorts. “Call me Laura,” she says tiredly. “I haven’t been a Lieutenant for five years now.” Her smile is dangerous. “You just got yourselves an explosives specialist – if I can have Evan back.”
~*+*~
Laura’s input and expertise help immensely when they take down the next Wraith Hive, and afterwards, they are sitting together around a merry fire and celebrate that they survived and there is one Hive ship less in the galaxy. The alcohol flows freely, and Laura sits down next to Teyla and stretches out her legs. She’s wearing leather pants and boots and a woolen shirt, like the Satedans, and Teyla gives her a smile without turning her focus away from the celebrations.
“So…you and Ronon, huh?” Laura says quietly and passes Teyla a full cup of wine.
Teyla nods. “He was there after Kanaan died,” she says by way of explanation. “And he is a good father to Torren and Melena.” She tilts her head to the side. “How did you end up with Evan in your possession in the first place?”
Laura takes a sip of her own drink. “He was a present,” she explains. “From my…husband.” A dry laugh escapes her. “After he was grabbed in an attack on the village, I was planning on leaving him, but I knew he wouldn’t let me…I guess I should thank you guys again for getting me out of there.”
She falls silent for a moment, her thoughts planets away. “I was lucky I got him,” she finally continues. “Even if he doesn’t remember anything about me, and the programming wiped out a huge chunk of who he used to be, you know? Just knowing that he was there…that he needed me…”
Teyla nods. “We feel the same about John,” she admits. “Although I have to say, it was a shock at first, when Ronon brought him home.”
Laura pulls up her shoulders. “The programming…the need to please…it’s pretty hard to think of them in that role, huh?”
“Yes.” Teyla sighs. “We were hoping that the effects fade with time, and that John will return to his former self, but so far, he did not.”
“And to imagine, that all ATA-gene-carriers are like this,” Laura murmurs. “Do you have any ideas how many of our people got rescued by the Daedalus?”
“I do not know for certain,” Teyla admits. “Most of them, I hope.”
They sit in silence in the middle of a celebration and drink, and after another long moment, Laura starts talking again.
“I don’t remember much about that day, you know? Only about getting taken in by a tribe that lived underground, and by the time I realized I should better find the city, nobody was there anymore, but somebody wrote a gate address on the floor, so I decided to go there, try to find out if anyone else had been left behind. Took me almost three years to find Evan. And when I did, I didn’t really expect him to be like this. I had no clue how to deal with the programming, even if it wasn’t that much present. Only sometimes.”
“What did you do?”
“Order him around a little.” Laura sighs softly and runs her hand through her long hair. “To be honest, I think sometimes that glimpses of his personality manage to come through. Or maybe I was just desperately hoping they did.”
Teyla frowns slightly. “Are you certain?”
One shoulder moves in a small shrug. “He doesn’t talk, but when he’s asleep, he makes…sounds,” she says. “His voice…it’s still there, Teyla. And if his voice is still there, then maybe the rest of him is, as well – maybe the programming is reversible.”
They stare at each other for a moment, and Laura’s lips twist into a grimace. “I never thought I’d say it, but I would love to have McKay here right now.”
“Yes,” Teyla agrees. She doesn’t say what’s on her mind – that Rodney McKay is an ATA-gene-carrier, as well, and therefore most likely in the same situation as John and Evan and not much help for them.
Evan comes closer. He refills both Teyla’s and Laura’s cups and then settles down, his head in Laura’s lap. He smiles softly, and Laura runs her fingers through his hair and stares into the fire, once again lost in her thoughts.
Teyla leaves her and allows her own thoughts to wander. For the first time in long years, she allows herself to think of Rodney, and she sends a prayer to the Ancestors for him.
~*+*~
John finds himself on the ground between Ronon’s legs, his cheek resting comfortably against a powerful thigh. Melena is in his arms, asleep despite the noise around them, and Torren sits pressed against Ronon’s side, his cheeks reddened with excitement. He is allowed to sit with the adults today and listen to their stories of fighting the Wraith, and Ronon has one arm slung casually around his thin shoulders, officially claiming him as his son, and Torren almost vibrates with pride.
After a while, Teyla joins them and sits down on Ronon’s other side, completing their family, but still, John has the weird feeling that there is something still missing.
He just doesn’t know what it is.
~*+*~
The celebration is still in full-swing when Jinto, alone and armed, steps into the village. Teyla greets him – he’s Athosian, after all, and one of her people, and Halling follows suit, pressing his forehead against Jinto’s for a long moment.
Jinto is serious, and he murmurs with Teyla and Halling, his face filled barely hidden excitement and joy. Teyla listens to his tale, and when he’s finished, she asks, “Are you certain?”
Jinto just nods.
Teyla smiles.
She excuses herself and goes to let Ronon know what Jinto reported, but Ronon isn’t among their people anymore, the spot by the fire where she’d seen him and John last is deserted. Torren is dozing with his head in Laura’s lap, and Evan is holding Melena.
“Ronon? He grabbed John, or John grabbed him, and they went in the direction of the fields,” Laura explains when Teyla asks, and Teyla shakes her head in fond amusement. It is nothing new to her that John and Ronon sneak away during celebrations and harvest festivals; in fact they did it before, under the guise of checking the area and making sure no Wraith were hiding in the woods, but Teyla knows what they really did.
Laura looks at her thoughtfully. “Doesn’t it bother you?” she asks hesitantly. “About John…and your husband?”
Teyla shakes her head. “No,” she replies truthfully. “I am not bothered by their relationship. John is my friend.”
John is her friend, and Ronon has always been in love with John. He had admitted it to her in his first year on Atlantis. He had told Teyla when they had started to sneak off together, and Teyla had kept his secret – their secret – close to her heart and never told anyone. She loves John like the brother she never had, and there is nothing she would not share with her brother – not even her husband, because she knows that it doesn’t make Ronon love her less. If possible, it makes him love her more.
“Come,” she says instead of explaining this further to Laura. “Let us go home. These children require their beds.”
Torren protests sleepily, but he doesn’t fight when Laura and Teyla pull him up to his feet and slowly herd him toward their home. Evan doesn’t let go of Melena, and Teyla smiles and hooks her arm into his, and it is as if Laura and Evan have been part of their family for all these years instead of just a few weeks.
She puts Torren to bed and sits with him for a moment, running her hand through his soft hair. He looks peaceful, relaxed, a younger version of Kanaan, even with his hair growing long. He wants to wear it like Ronon, he begged and pleaded with her to let him do this for months now.
Torren doesn’t remember Kanaan, and even if he is Athosian by blood, he is the first child growing up with both Athosian and Satedan culture as part of his heritage.
Their people are growing together, since there aren’t enough of them left so survive on their own. Their village now counts a little over three hundred Athosians and one hundred and fifty Satedans, plus three Lanteans.
Teyla smiles and tucks the blanket around her son.
When she steps back into the main room, Laura is smiling brilliantly. Evan is rocking Melena in his arms, grinning down at her and humming something that Teyla recognizes as an old Lantean lullaby.
He’s humming.
Teyla is still grinning when Ronon and John come back home, hours later. Ronon’s clothes are in disarray, John’s lips are swollen, and he’s smiling as if he knows something they don’t.
Maybe he does.
Ronon squints questioningly at her, and Teyla takes a deep breath.
“Jinto found Carson.”
~*+*~
Both Teyla and Ronon are awake when John sits up between them, sweat already drying on his shaking body and a soundless scream on his lips. It’s another nightmare, this one about being captured and fed on by a Wraith, until he dies, and John wouldn’t be surprised if he kicked both of them. It was an intense dream, almost more than even reality is, and John keens soundlessly and curls himself into a ball. Not even Teyla’s hand on his shoulder or Ronon’s steady presence by his side is quite enough to drive the panic away again; even more, for the first time that he can remember he doesn’t want to be close to them, wants to hide his weakness from them.
It confuses him – he knows he can trust them, and he knows they both have their own nightmares to deal with and won’t judge him for his. He knows all that, and yet, he feels as if he should be stronger and able to lead them.
He tries to shake off that thought – him, leading Teyla Emmagan, the leader of the Athosians, and Ronon Dex, first taskmaster of the surviving Satedans? It’s probably just the effects of the drinks he’d had the night before. They make his brain go insane and over-ambitious.
He’s sure that Ronon and Teyla will set him free if he asks them for it, and they’ll do it without hesitating and without any ill will toward him – but he doesn’t know how to ask them, and if he wants to.
He likes Ronon and Teyla.
He likes being with Ronon and Teyla.
He likes belonging to Ronon and Teyla.
He exhales shakily as he uncurls and presses himself against Ronon’s body, his hand already reaching between them, molding itself against the outline of Ronon’s soft dick, as if he needs to prove to himself – no he doesn’t count, he’s just a slave, he needs to prove to his Master – that his treacherous thoughts are not what he really wants.
“John,” Ronon murmurs and wraps both arms around him, trapping him against Ronon’s broad chest and holding him there. “It’s okay, relax…”
But he can’t relax, not until he has his hand wrapped around Ronon’s dick and is stroking gently, and Ronon’s hands are clenched tight in his hair and holding him still for a bruising kiss.
Dimly, he is aware of Teyla behind him, shifting and moving into a sitting position, and then, her voice, quiet and in control of the situation, of him.
“John,” she says, “Take him. Into your mouth. Pleasure him.”
Ronon groans, and John squirms out of his arms and presses himself against him. His lips wrap around the head of Ronon’s dick as soon as he peels back the pants, his tongue swirls around the soft skin and dips into the slit at the tip, the way Ronon likes it, and then, he slowly takes more of Ronon into his mouth, feels him harden against his tongue and the back of his throat, and slowly pulls back before he chokes.
“Yes, like that,” Teyla says encouragingly. “Go on, John.”
John wraps his hand around Ronon’s dick and reaches for his balls with the other. He bobs his head, and Ronon’s dick slides wetly into his mouth and out again, glistening in the soft light of the lamp. John shuffles to the side on his knees, to give Teyla a better view of what he’s doing, and pulls back. He sticks out his tongue and teasingly runs it over the head of Ronon’s dick, along the ridge and then he brushes just the pointed tip of it down the underside, until he reaches Ronon’s balls and he can suck them into his mouth, one by one.
Ronon makes a faint, broken sound at the back of his throat. His fingers clench in John’s hair, but he doesn’t try to force John to do anything, he just holds on to him.
“Yes,” Teyla says. She sounds slightly breathless, and John dares to look up at her. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes half-closed, but she still keeps them focused on what John is doing.
Ronon is fully hard now, a drop of milky-white pre-come collecting at the tip of his erection, and John licks it off, his tongue curling around Ronon’s dick again and again, as if it is a tasty treat, like a lump of sugar.
He is showing off, and he enjoys every second of it, every tug of Ronon’s fingers in his hair, every rustle of the bedsheets, every shallow breath Teyla takes in behind him.
Again, he sinks his mouth around the darkened length, until the fist he wrapped around the base of it is slick and wet with spit and pre-come.
“John,” Teyla says, her voice firm despite the shortness of breath, and John knows what she wants, what he’s supposed to do now.
It is almost reluctantly that he pulls off, a wet sound proving his obedience to Teyla’s order, unspoken as it is.
Teyla’s hand tangles in his dark hair and pulls him back, firmly, but not cruelly, and she presses dry, cool, closed lips against his hot, swollen mouth.
“You did good,” she tells him as she leans her forehead against John’s for a second. “Good, John.”
John knows what that means. He rolls out of bed and pads on bare feet out of the room. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Teyla straddle Ronon’s waist, and he hears Ronon’s moan as he slides into her, and then he leaves them alone.
Sometimes, they just don’t want him there when they have sex.
He curls up on the pallet and tugs the blanket up to his shoulders. It’s not long before he dozes off. He wakes briefly when Teyla tucks the blanket in around his shoulders and kisses his forehead gently, but for the rest of the night, he remains uninterrupted, both by people and nightmares.
~*+*~
It is with Melena strapped to Ronon’s back and Torren protectively held between Ronon and Teyla, John and Evan behind them and Laura and Jinto in front, that they wait for the gate to dial. Laura is still yawning every now and then, although she tries to hide it behind her hand.
None of them got enough sleep the night before, and none of them would agree to staying home, so here they are, because Jinto said Carson wouldn’t be on Perphelia for much longer, and they’ve looked for him for a long time now. Too long to pass up this opportunity.
“You think he’s, you know.” Laura glances over her shoulder briefly. “Himself?”
Teyla tilts her head to the side. “I hope so,” she says and rests her hand on Torren’s shoulder before she nods at Jinto to dial. “We will hopefully find out soon.”
“Yeah,” Laura smiles and squares her shoulders as the gate flares to life. “Soon.”
Perphelia is a dry, dusty world, with high cliffs that have sharp edges from the hot winds. The gate is perched on the edge of a high mountainside, and the path that leads away from it and to the village is sand-covered and narrow. It leads down into one of the canyons, at a steep angle. They all walk pressed to the mountainside and hope that the sand under the soles of their boots won’t make them slip and fall.
The village is small, but bustling with life. John thinks that the Perphelians found a pretty good spot to hide from the Wraith; no dart can fly safely in these canyons and the village itself is built into the mountainside. John has no idea how far into the rock it actually goes, and the question loses its appeal to his curiosity when Ronon comes to a stop right in front of him, laughs loudly and hurries the last few feet, sand sliding and slipping under his boots, until he has his arm wrapped around a small man with wild hair. He’s dressed in a brown shirt that’s held closed with a sturdy belt, a belt with many pouches, and loose pants, clothes typical for traders on many planets in this galaxy.
The man squeaks in surprise before he recognizes Ronon, and then his own thin arms come up to hug Ronon and cling to his strong neck with wiry strength.
Teyla comes next. “Radek,” she says before she hugs him as well.
Radek. John rolls the name soundlessly around his mouth. It sounds familiar, almost painfully so, just like Ronon’s and Teyla’s names have been. He exchanges a glance with Evan, but Evan just shrugs helplessly.
They both should know who Radek is, but all they know is that they can trust him.
Radek looks at them nervously and pushes his glasses up his nose. “Still no change?” he asks in his accented voice, and Teyla shakes her head.
“We were hoping to find Dr. Beckett,” she begins, and Radek nods. “Yes, yes, Carson. Come on, I’ll bring you to him.”
“Is he okay?” Laura asks and falls in step with Radek. “I mean…is he a slave, too?”
She sounds worried, but Radek just shakes his head. “No, no, he’s fine. Remember, he wasn’t on Atlantis when it happened.”
“How did you find him?” Teyla wants to know, and Radek shrugs and runs his hand through his hair. “I didn’t. The Travellers found him for me.”
They round a corner, and there – John feels his heart rate pick up and his breath hitch, and he doesn’t know why he reacts that way to the small spaceship parked there.
“Where’d you get a puddlejumper?” Ronon asks and turns toward John. “Hey, you remember these?”
John doesn’t know how to answer. Instead he reaches out toward the ship, but before he can actually touch it, Ronon laughs again, happy and loud, and he hugs the man who just stepped out of the back of the ship, and then Laura does, half-laughing and half-crying, and then Melena wakes up and starts fussing, and before John knows it, they are in Carson’s makeshift-examination room and Carson is running his hands along his body and talking in a soothing voice about what he’s doing. John likes the way Carson talks, ad he relaxes into his touch without Ronon having to tell him so.
“Physically,” Carson says later, when they’re sharing a meal, “the Colonel and the Major…John and Evan…are completely healthy. They’re both aware of what’s happening around them. The only thing I can say on first glance is that their behavior is…”
“Reprogrammed,” Laura finishes when Carson is groping for words.
“Yes.” Radek nods and stares at the tablet computer in his hands. “But to fix that, we need better systems.” He leans forward and looks Carson deep in the eye. “We need Atlantis.”
Carson looks uncomfortable.
“Last time I saw Atlantis,” Laura says, “it was in ruins. Broken and pretty much destroyed.”
“We only went back once,” Teyla adds. “Before Melena was born.”
“Yeah,” Ronon says. “There was nothing of value left.”
“But.” Radek lifts a finger. “We have the best chances of sending a message to Earth from Atlantis, to let them know we’re still here.” He pauses before he continues. “Rodney is on Earth. If there is someone to crack this reprogramming, it’s Rodney.”
“Are you certain Rodney is on Earth?” Teyla asks, and Radek nods firmly.
“Dr. Keller sent him up to the Daedalus as one of the first,” he says. “He was bleeding and catatonic, like the other gene-carriers…but if there is anyone who can fix this, it’s Rodney.”
Ronon shrugs and holds Melena close to him. “Let’s go, then.”
~*+*~
Carson is flying the puddlejumper, which he and Radek have turned into their home. Laura claims shotgun, and Radek lets her and goes to sit in the back with the rest of them. John is kneeling between Ronon’s legs and resting his cheek against his thigh. His heart is still beating too sharply, too loudly in his chest, but Ronon’s hand in his hair keeps him calm. He can feel the ship around him, and it makes him feel excited. This is important, he knows. He has no idea why, or what for, but it is important.
Evan is in the cockpit, by Laura’s side. When Carson powers up the jumpers’ systems, he makes a soft sound at the back of his throat, and Laura grips his shoulder tight.
“What did you find out about this reprogramming?” Carson asks her as he navigates the ship through the gate.
Laura’s thumb strokes the back of Evan’s neck thoughtfully. “It makes them submit. And amnesiac.” She grimaces. “I know he hasn’t just forgotten everything. He’s still Major Lorne; and he still can do everything he did before, painting, fighting…but he doesn’t remember who he is, where he learned all that…and he thinks he’s a slave.” She shrugs.
“Same with John,” Ronon calls out. “He doesn’t remember who he is, and he’s all submissive and obedient.” He twists his lips into a grimace. “Not really like him.”
John looks up at him with a confused frown, but Ronon just smoothes his hand through his hair again. “As if his personality has been overwritten with the absolute need to please.”
“Yeah.” Laura nods. “I mean…I could order Evan to do anything right now, he would just do it – no matter what it is. If I told him to break your neck, or to give you the foot massage of your life, it wouldn’t make a difference, he would do it.” Evan shifts on his knees at her words, and Laura’s grip on his shoulder tightens.
“Well, that’s…disturbing,” Carson says uncomfortably. The jumper wobbles slightly when he shifts in his seat.
“Yeah.” Laura nods. “Especially if it’s your commanding officer naked on his knees in front of you, because some programming is forcing him to.”
Ronon doesn’t say anything, but he keeps his fingers in John’s hair. John wants to press himself tightly against him and tell him that John wasn’t forced by anything or anyone to do what he does right now, that he likes kneeling by Ronon’s feet, getting all of his attention, but even if he could articulate the words, he knows that Ronon wouldn’t believe him and will think that it’s this reprogramming making him say it.
He remembers Ronon and Teyla talking about this before, but he never really paid more than minimal attention, preferring instead to let the sound of their voices wash over him. Right now he wonders about that – he always wants to know what has happened to him, why he can’t remember anything before Ronon brought him home, so why didn’t he pay more attention? It just doesn’t make sense to him, and a headache starts to pound behind his left eye, making it hard to pay attention to the conversation.
Ronon pets his hair again, and John lets go of all the confusing thoughts in his mind. He doesn’t have to worry about anything but the satisfaction of his Master.
“We’re here,” Carson reports, just as the warm hum that has filled John’s mind the second he set foot in the puddlejumper is replaced by a sharp, high-pitched loud whine in his brain and the puddlejumper lands with a small jerk.
The whine is so loud that it’s painful and John’s mouth opens in a silent scream that echoes around the ship, or maybe it’s Evan’s voice, he doesn’t know and can’t find it in him to think about it.
Warm wetness trickles down his face – his nose is bleeding, his ears are bleeding, his lip where he’s biting down is bleeding, everything is red and painful and hazy.
When unconsciousness claims him, it’s nothing but a relief.
Part 3