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kathierif_ficTitle: Good Intentions, Stupid Ideas
Author: Kathie
Fandom: CSI:NY
Pairing: Mac Taylor/Don Flack/Danny Messer
Rating: FRAO
Warnings: Is break-up-fic, angst, slash a warning?
Disclaimer: Not mine. Sadly. Otherwise we would have, at least, a bit more Don on TV…
Summary: Mac was prepared to say something completely silly he would deny later, when Don suddenly said: “I think we should break this up.”
Author’s Notes: Thank you very much, Ginny, who named this FFH (Fic From Hell) and encouraged, poked, bribed and threatened me while I glared this fic into submission.
Don sat up and pushed all ten fingers through his sweat-matted hair, making it stand up in strange angles, despite its shortness, and giving him the look of a man who just enjoyed wonderful sex.
Mac smiled – he had taken his sweet time with Don, and the slightly breathless sigh Don made when sitting up spoke of their extended and utterly satisfying lovemaking. Don could keep quiet when having sex, unlike Danny, who always encouraged them to make some noise. Don usually humored him, but today, it had been just Mac and Don, and Don hadn’t said a single word from the second Mac had leaned over his body and had brushed his lips over Don’s.
He rolled around and placed a hand against Don’s sweat-slick back, prepared to say something completely silly he would deny later, given the chance, when suddenly Don sighed again and said: “I think we should break this up.”
Mac didn’t know what to say, so he remained silent, his fingertips still on Don’s back, with Don’s body heat seeping into his suddenly cold hand.
He could only watch as Don pushed his hand through his hair again, stood up and started to gather his things. He watched in morbid fascination as Don dressed, underwear, pants, t-shirt, shirt, socks and shoes last, like he did every morning, and still he didn’t say anything.
His hand still rested on the blankets, where it had fallen when Don had left the bed. He couldn’t move a muscle, every breath he took was like a million needles in his chest, and still he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t fight this.
Finally, when Don had collected his things and was almost out of the door, he found the energy to ask one single question.
“Why, Don?”
Don stopped, but he didn’t turn around. “It’s for the best, Mac. For you and Danny,” he said quietly. “You have each other, you can be happy together.” Mac could see how tense he was, strong muscles tight under his clothes, but he couldn’t make himself go over to him, wrap him in his arms or hit him over the head.
“We love you, Don,” he pointed out desperately.
Don didn’t turn around. “Yeah,” was all he replied, and it was so softly spoken that Mac thought for a moment he had imagined it. But then Don straightened and said in a hard voice, and still without turning around: “If you love me, you have to let me go now.”
In the beginning, Mac hadn’t been sure about the threesome idea. It was strange – too many arms and legs, and it didn’t fit the way he was used to. He had some experience with men, sure, but not with two at the same time, and it was a struggle to not give the experiment up – because it was nothing more than that, when they decided to give it a try. Don seemed even less sure about himself, and he was the one who entered the relationship last. Only Danny knew exactly what he wanted, and he was the one who had suggested the threesome in the first place, and Danny was the one who chuckled at their awkward behavior and made them see what they felt for each other.
Mac was glad that he had let Danny persuade him to dream about Don – hell, some of Danny’s own fantasies involved even stranger things than his boss and his best friend, at least Danny claimed so – and now, he couldn’t imagine a life without both Don and Danny in it. And now this should come to an end? He wasn’t sure he could survive the loss of them, and now Don asked to be set free.
Mac loved Don enough to let him go.
***
When Danny returned home, Don stood in front of the door, a bag in his hand. Danny grinned. “Hey – I thought you were at Mac’s place.”
Don shook his head. “I was there. I left.”
“You left? Why?” Danny stepped forwards until he was right in front of Don.
Don turned his head to the side. “I don’t think this is a good idea,” he said and took a step back.
Danny blinked confusedly. “What? I’m trying to kiss you, and you don’t think this is a good idea? What’s wrong with you?”
Don looked down. “Nothing is wrong,” he murmured and brought a shaking hand up to wipe it over his face. “It’s just…a bad idea. The whole thing.” He swallowed. “I’d better go.”
“Don! Wait!” Danny made a step forwards. “Why don’t you come in, and we can talk about it, and then we can go to Mac’s place to have dinner – Mac promised to cook.”
Don shook his head. “Can’t.”
“What do you mean, you can’t?” Danny was confused now.
Don swallowed. “Because I just told Mac that I want out.”
With these words he turned around and walked away, leaving a shocked Danny behind.
***
The ringing of the phone startled him from his frozen state, and Mac couldn’t stop the glimmer of hope from appearing.
“Taylor.”
Silence greeted him. Mac already thought about ending the connection, but the sound of soft breathing stopped him. He swallowed and asked: “Don?”
A sigh. “No, it’s me,” Danny said. “So it’s true?”
He didn’t even pretend not to understand what Danny was talking about. “He said he wanted out.”
“And you let him?” Danny asked in utter disbelief. “The man is an idiot! You shouldn’t have let him go.”
“Danny,” Mac said softly. “He’s a free man, if he wants to go, he can.”
Danny snorted. “Did he say why? ‘Cause I don’t believe him when he says he doesn’t love you anymore.”
Mac winced. “No, he just said it’s for the best.”
“Stupid idiot! He wouldn’t know what’s best if it jumped up and down and bit him in the…”
Danny stopped himself. “Did you try to talk him out of leaving?”
Now it was Mac’s turn to stay silent.
“You two!” Danny sighed. “Why not?”
Mac swallowed. “He said, if we love him, we would let him go.”
For a long while, all that could be heard over the line was soft breathing, and then Danny finally said: “I want to know what caused this. He seemed happy with this. With us. I can’t believe he simply decided that it’s too dangerous or too much or what.”
“Danny…” Mac tried, but Danny interrupted him.
“I love you, Mac, I really do, but sometimes you’re as stupid as he is.”
And with those words, he cut the connection, leaving Mac standing with the phone in his hand, and without explaining what he was planning.
***
Mac pulled Danny close, but it wasn’t the same. The bed was too big and too empty without Don in it, and although it was only the sixth night since Don’s surprising announcement, it felt like an eternity.
Mac sighed and shifted slightly.
God, he missed Don.
He wanted him back.
Danny sighed softly against his chest, and Mac instinctively ran his hand through his hair. It didn’t help. He was still awake and twitching.
He wanted Don back, yes, but he had promised himself right from the beginning that he wouldn’t cling. If Don wanted out, he should be able to go freely.
It had always been Danny who had dragged them along, he thought. And now Danny was as clueless as Mac, and it made him feel angry and sad and a million other things at the same time, angry at Don for doing this to them, and angry at Danny because Danny hadn’t been able to stop Don, angry at himself because he had let Don go, and angry at himself because he was angry.
He tightened his arms around Danny – words weren’t enough to express how precious Danny was to him, now that he was the only one he had left.
Danny grunted. “I’m not leaving,” he murmured and pressed a soft kiss to Mac’s chest. “You can let go now.”
“Sorry.” Mac murmured. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”
Danny snorted and sat up. “I can’t sleep when you crush me, Mac,” he said. He wrapped his arms around himself. “Besides, I miss him.”
Mac switched on the light and sat up as well. “I know.”
Danny leaned against him and allowed Mac to wrap his arms around him. “Mac, I miss him so very much.”
“I know. Me too, Danny.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Danny asked. He sounded as helpless and lost as Mac felt.
“I don’t think so,” he replied carefully. “We don’t even know what brought this on. As far as we know, he simply had enough of this dangerous relationship.
Danny shook his head. “Come on, Mac. There is no way Don could have gone from I love you in the morning to I don’t want you anymore in the evening. Something must have happened. The only reason I could think of why he decided so suddenly to dump us would be if he thought it would…” he trailed off and swallowed.
“I love you, Mac,” he exclaimed suddenly and kissed Mac enthusiastically.
“I love you too, Danny, but I don’t understand…”
“You said it yourself: this relationship is dangerous. Still, Don would never break it up – he knew the risks when he said yes. Unless…” He waited for Mac to catch up, a triumphant grin on his face.
“Unless he thinks he can protect us from something or someone this way,” Mac realized.
“Exactly! He’s stupid enough to try something like that without talking to us – to you – first.” Danny smiled. “Now we only have to find out what he’s running from.”
“That’s going to be the hard part, Danny, he’s avoiding us like the plague,” Mac pointed out. Danny kissed him again. “I would, too, if I were him,” he said and pushed Mac down onto the mattress. “We’re damn good CSIs, and we’ll find out what’s wrong.”
***
Danny smiled triumphantly. “I think I know what’s wrong.”
Mac looked up from the microscope. “What do you mean?”
“I’m talking about Don. Tall, dark hair, blue eyes, a bit ticklish – remember him? He used to work with us, before he managed to get the cases you and I aren’t working on. Oh, and he was in a relationship with us, before he decided that he wanted out.”
Mac pressed his lips into a thin line. “It’s his decision, Danny,” he said levelly. “There’s nothing we can do…”
Danny shook his head. “But that’s it, Mac, it wasn’t his decision!”
Mac stopped and blinked. “What? What do you mean, it wasn’t his decision?”
“It wasn’t. Not really.” Danny leaned closer. “Invite me to lunch and I tell you what I’ve found out.”
Mac hesitated. Don breaking up with them had hurt, and he wasn’t sure he could stand even more of this pain. But something about Don’s actions was odd, and the analytic, CSI-part of his mind wanted to know what it was. Besides, if there was even the slightest chance to get Don back, he would take it.
Abruptly he stood up. “Let’s go.”
***
“What if he was threatened?”
“Danny, Don is a grown man. I don’t think he’s easily scared.”
“No, he isn’t,” Danny agreed. “But we’re not talking about some common criminal here.”
“Who are we talking about?”
“His family.”
***
Don Flack sr. was a famous legend among the NYPD cops for a reason: he wasn’t afraid of much. He stood down some of the most dangerous criminals of New York, among them the Mafia-like Messer family. But every time his wife came to the station – or later sent one of her two daughters, or young Don jr. – and demanded that he came home, he obeyed without hesitation. It was well-known among the cops that Margaret Flack didn’t lose her temper very often, but when she did, the best course of action was to take cover – or to do exactly the thing she wanted to be done.
So when the tall brunette woman entered the station, focused her icy blue eyes, so very much like his own, on him and said: “We need to talk, Donnie.” Don Flack jr. could expect no help from his co-workers, and since it was too late to run, all he could do was nod and follow his eldest sister out.
***
“I know,” she said, “it’s like an itch, and you desperately want to scratch. You found someone who scratches that itch for you, didn’t you?”
He wanted to deny everything, but he found himself unable to lie, and so he stared into his cup and stirred more sugar into his coffee.
“Donnie.”
“Yes,” he admitted reluctantly.
She smiled and put her hand on his arm. “I knew it.”
He risked looking up. “How did you find it out?”
“Donnie, just because you are the big bad detective doesn’t mean the rest of us has no deductive skills. Mom is worried because you don’t call anymore, and there is only one reason why you would forget all about her. And that is if you met someone.”
He smirked. “And what if I met a nice girl?”
She shook her head and pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear. “I was in your apartment when you didn’t answer your phone, Donnie. Remember the key you gave mom? If you met a nice girl, you wouldn’t need lubricant.”
He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, she leaned forwards. “I know you probably won’t believe me, but scratching is not a good idea. It only gets worse. Remember the scars your scratching left when you were a kid.”
And again he could only nod, because he still had them, these scars from his childhood, from where he had scratched and kept the wounds from healing.
“You need to stop, Donnie.” She earnestly looked into his eyes. “It would only hurt mom, and if you don’t stop, I need to tell her, you know that.”
***
It had been almost two weeks, and Don still hadn’t made a decision. He loved Danny and Mac, more than his own life. On the other hand, he didn’t want his parents to find out about them – and who knew what Alexa, in her zeal to bring him back to the right path, would do if he didn’t do what she wanted him to do. Briefly he considered leaving New York, but then, he had no idea where to go. He had been in New York all his life, he liked New York.
He didn’t want to leave, not Mac and Danny, and not the city.
In short, he didn’t know what to do.
But Alexa hadn’t forgotten, and she found subtle – and not so subtle – ways of telling him that she was watching him, and when she invited him to dinner, he knew that he had to do something.
It wasn’t that Don didn’t love his sister. He did, and that was what made the decision so hard. He couldn’t say whom he loved more, his sisters or his lovers.
***
“Donnie, you’re a cop. You know that this is dangerous.”
Don couldn’t bring himself to meet her steadfast gaze, no matter how much he wanted to. He knew that she was right, had known right from the beginning of their relationship.
“I know.”
She placed a hand on his arm. “You think you love them.”
He looked up, startled.
“Donnie, I know all about your relationship with Taylor and Messer. Don’t look so shocked.”
“Who told you?” he wanted to know.
She shook her head slightly. “It’s unimportant, Donnie. My point is, if I found out, others will, too. I only want to protect you.”
“I don’t need to be protected. I’m not a kid.”
“I know,” she soothed quickly. “But if you love them, you have to think about the risks they are taking. Don, you’re a cop.”
“You said that already. Besides, so are they,” he answered stubbornly.
“But they are not my brother. Don.”
“Don’t.” He stood up. Suddenly he felt like he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. He needed to go.
“Just think about what I’ve said. They are in the Crime Scene Unit, nobody would harm them if they are in a normal homosexual relationship. But a threesome, Donnie, that’s something completely different. You work homicide, Donnie.”
He pushed his hand through his hair. “I know,” he murmured.
“They might hurt them for being with you. You don’t want that, do you?”
“Alexa…”
“Donnie, I’m doing this just for you, you know that, right? They have each other. They are just playing with you. They are in a relationship for longer than the three of you, right? You are just some toy for them, don’t you see that?” She stood up as well and placed a hand on his back.
***
Two days later, when Mac leaned over him and kissed him, Don could only close his eyes and think about how he would break Mac’s heart if he would do it.
He had thought about what Alexa had said, and it was nothing that he hadn’t thought of himself, even if Mac and Danny always had been able to soothe his fears.
He didn’t want to leave them.
But he had no choice. Alexa had been right, the risk of discovery was too high. And he’d rather do it now than see Mac get hurt by his co-workers, only because of him. Or Danny, for whom every day was a fight, just because of the Messer name, or the Tanglewood problems, or the shooting of an undercover cop…the last thing Danny needed was this entanglement.
He let Mac make love to him, but he kept his eyes closed to hide the tears, and he bit his lip to stop the sobs.
He didn’t want to lose Mac. Or Danny.
But he had no choice.
If he didn’t do it, he would lose them, too, probably forever.
If he did it, there might be a chance that they would survive it, if anybody else ever found out about their relationship.
Besides, they had each other.
They didn’t need him.
***
It had been three weeks.
Three weeks since Don had made that fatal step out of Mac’s and Danny’s lives.
Don regretted it with every fiber of his being, and with every second that passed he wished that he could turn back time and return to them, to spend more time with them.
He knew that it was impossible, and he stood by his decision – it was too dangerous for them to be together, no matter how much it hurt him.
Seeing Danny and Mac hurt him almost physically, and so Don tried to stay out of their way. He had managed so far, even if it meant that he worked some strange shifts – he didn’t complain, because he couldn’t sleep, no matter how hard he tried. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see Mac and Danny.
He couldn’t go to bed. No matter how often he changed the sheets, he could still smell his lovers – his ex-lovers – on them, and sleeping on the couch gave him a stiff neck that didn’t help to improve his mood.
“Danny, no…”
Don frowned when he heard those words, but only seconds later he was slammed into the rough brick wall of the dark alley by Danny. His cigarette fell to the ground, unnoticed by his attacker.
“Ouch! Messer, let me go!” he hissed, but Danny didn’t even think about that. He just pressed Don into the wall and twisted his arms behind his back.
“I’m not letting you go until you gave me an explanation I can believe!” Danny hissed. “You just can’t simply walk out on us!”
“I could and I did. Let me go. That’s harassment,” Don answered furiously.
Danny loosened his hold on Don’s arms, but he didn’t release him completely. “I just want to know why, Don,” he said softly. “Why do you want to go? Don’t you love us?”
Don bit his lip again. Of course did he love Mac and Danny, but he couldn’t tell them that. They would insist that they would be able to take care of each other, and then something horrible would happen. He knew it.
“Danny.” Mac stepped closer when Don refused to answer and placed a calming hand on Danny’s shoulder. “Don’t push him into something he doesn’t want.”
Danny growled and pulled Don forwards and around to face him.
“Tell me,” he demanded roughly. “Tell me why.”
“I already did!” Don shouted and pushed Danny off. “I did,” he repeated softly.
Danny didn’t fight him. He simply stumbled back until Mac caught him. “But Don,” he said, in a very soft voice. “We love you. Doesn’t that count for nothing?”
Don didn’t answer.
“Don.” Danny tried again. His voice started to get a slightly desperate tinge. “You’re our Angel. We need you.”
Don’s face twisted. “You don’t need me, Messer. You have each other. I’m only a toy for you, to keep you from getting bored. Well, guess what, I don’t want to be your toy anymore. Fuck you, Messer. Just leave me alone!”
He didn’t care that he was screaming, or that both Danny and Mac were staring at him with wide, horror-filled eyes that seemed huge in their pale faces. He just had to voice his pain and anguish, and before he could start to cry, he pushed Danny again and left the alley.
The next day, he called in sick and stayed in bed. He felt miserable enough to justify it.
***
Danny stared after Don with utter disbelief. “What?” he whispered softly. He made a step forwards to follow Don, but his knees buckled and he almost fell down, if not for Mac who wrapped his arms securely around his waist.
“Let him, Danny,” Mac murmured. “Let him go.”
“Mac?”
Mac pulled him in a tight embrace. “He’s angry, Danny. Let him go.”
Danny leaned heavily against Mac. “Did he just say…?”
Mac nodded grimly. “Maybe this confrontation was not such a good idea at all,” he said.
“What now?”
He sighed. “I don’t know, Danny. Maybe he’ll come to his senses. Maybe he just did.”
“You can’t be serious!” Danny snapped. “Have you both lost your minds?”
Mac didn’t answer.
On the outside, he seemed to be calm, but on the inside, he was just numb. He felt nothing, only the sharp pain of doubt. Did he treat Don like a plaything? He certainly didn’t mean to, but what if he did?
“Let’s go home,” he finally said. Danny didn’t resist.
***
“Wake up, Uncle Donnie!”
The clear voice of a child woke Don up from the uneasy sleep he had fallen in. He growled, but the child didn’t leave. Instead, it poked him in the ribs with a pointy finger.
“He doesn’t want to wake up!” the child complained loudly.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, your uncle is very tired. He’s not feeling so well today,” another well-known voice answered, and Don forced one eye half-open. “Mom?”
His mother sat in the chair next to the couch, where he had fallen asleep again, with her hands folded in front of her.
“Uncle Donnie!” the child squeaked and jumped on the couch and on him. Don could only blink at her.
“Ally,” Margaret Flack said sternly, and her granddaughter stopped her jumping immediately.
“Thanks,” Don murmured and groggily sat up.
“Donnie, you look horrible.”
“Thanks mom,” he replied sarcastically. “What do you want? Is this Central Station? First Alexa, now you and Ally, when can I expect dad and Rebecca?” He turned towards Ally. “Where’s your mom?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Donnie,” another voice added from the doorway. Don turned his head around. “Rebecca,” he sighed when he caught sight of his sister. “What do you want from me?”
“Me? I just want to kick you in the head as hard as I can, but mom said I shouldn’t,” she said and placed a cup of coffee in his hands.
“For what?” he grumbled.
Margaret leaned forwards on her elbows. “For listening to your sister, Donnie,” she said. “You were happy with Mac and the Messer boy, weren’t you? Why did you throw that away?”
Don could only stare at her, coffee forgotten.
She shook her head. “What, you thought we didn’t know? Donnie. We’re not blind.”
Rebecca nudged him in the ribs with an elbow. “We knew for some months now. Alexa…well, let’s just say she didn’t.”
“Wait.” Don blinked. “You knew about Mac and Danny?”
“Of course we do. Who do you think you were fooling? Everybody knew,” she snorted. “Please tell me you didn’t do something stupid.”
He didn’t answer.
“He probably did,” Rebecca said. “Poor Donnie, he threw away the best thing in his life.”
“Shut up,” Don hissed and stood up. “You want to tell me that I’m stupid, that this was an error? Fine. It was. But it’s done, and it can’t be made undone. So please leave me alone, okay?”
He stalked off towards the bathroom, hearing Rebecca’s voice behind him: “He really screwed up this time, huh?”
He didn’t hear his mother’s answer.
***
At first, it seemed to be a straight-forward murder case. A man had been found in Central Park, his throat slit. But when Danny and Mac walked up to the crime scene and saw the detective at the scene, they shared a short look. Danny changed his kit from one hand to another and murmured: “He doesn’t look very good.”
Mac nodded slightly. “Just let him be, okay? I don’t want the two of you fighting at my crime scene.”
“Sure, Mac. He’ll just ignore us, like he did the last few weeks,” Danny answered easily, but Mac could detect the bitterness in his voice.
“Maybe he just needs some time to himself,” Mac repeated, but it sounded hollow in his own ears.
Danny only snorted.
A cop stepped up to them. “Detective Taylor, Detective Messer – Detective Flack asked me to tell you our first results. The victim’s name is …”
Danny turned his head slightly to watch Don, who was standing next to a man and writing something down in his memobook. He nodded a few times while speaking, and Danny had to bite his lip to keep himself from going over and hitting Don over the head before dragging him home.
Next to him, Mac coughed. “Danny, are you paying attention?”
“Yeah,” he answered absent-mindedly, but his eyes never left Don.
Don didn’t look at them. He just nodded one final time, turned around and started to walk along the edge of the lake the body had been found in.
Time seemed to slow down.
The eye witness with whom Don just had talked pulled his hand from the pocket of his jacket. Metal glinted in the cold winter sun.
With a few quick steps he caught up to Don, stretched his hands out –
Danny gasped in shock as strong hands were suddenly wrapped around Don’s neck, pressing his chin up, and cold steel was pressed against his throat.
Mac frowned at him. “Danny?”
Danny made an involuntary step forwards. Mac followed his line of vision, and from the corner of his eye Danny registered how he paled.
“Don,” he wanted to call out, but all he managed was a broken whisper.
Don swallowed. Danny could see it, could see the sharp blade pressed into pale flesh, and he also saw the first drops of blood flowing.
“I’ll kill him!” the man screamed and pressed the knife even tighter against Don’s flesh. Mac saw that Don was trying to hold still, but his breathing had sped up.
“What do you want?” Mac called out. His voice was calm and soothing, trying to bring the man to drop the knife and let Don go.
“I’ll kill him!” he screamed again. “He mocked me!”
Death silence had fallen over the site, and they could all hear the desperate gasps of air Don was taking, even from the place Danny and Mac were standing.
“You don’t want to kill him,” Mac said calmly. “Just put down the knife, and we can talk about this like adults.”
The knife jerked against Don’s flesh. “He mocked me!” the man repeated in an angry whisper. “Nobody mocks me! He deserves to die!”
“Nobody has to die here,” Mac said and made another step forwards. In return, the other man dragged Don backwards, towards the water.
Danny could only watch with growing horror how the man dragged Don further away. The analytical part of his brain noticed that Don’s hand was inching towards his own throat, and then –
The man jerked again, and Don moved, and both fell and disappeared in the cold, dark water.
The second they disappeared from view, both cops and CSIs raced towards the edge of the lake, but there was no sign of human life in it, besides the waves that had resulted from two grown men falling into it.
An eternity passed, and then the water started to turn red.
Blood red.
***
They waited, their weapons drawn, their breath held, for a sign of Don Flack.
Mac couldn’t tell how much time went by, but his thoughts went in circles, in spirals, and the end of that spiral was always Don.
He loved Don. He loved him so much it hurt. And Don had hurt him when he had decided to leave them, even if Danny was sure that it wasn’t Don’s decision. Word had it that his eldest sister Alexa had paid him a visit at the station. Mac knew that Alexa could be very persuasive if she wanted – but he had no idea why she would try to force Don to end their relationship.
One short look at Danny revealed that the younger man was chewing on his lip intently, his gun pointed at the rippled surface of the lake.
Danny looked up, and their eyes met in a brief understanding: if Don should survive this, they would sit down and talk to him, and they would try to find out if there was a chance to save their relationship.
If Don survived this.
Eternity ticked by, and suddenly the attacker’s body appeared on the surface of the lake. He didn’t move, and when one of the cops went in and turned him around, they noticed that he was dead.
Danny and Mac shared another look.
“Stabbed,” the cop said and dragged the body to the shore.
“Where’s Don?” Danny asked softly.
Suddenly the surface of the lake rippled again, and a pale hand appeared. The fingers were clenched around the handle of the knife.
“Don!” Danny called and rushed forwards. He stopped right at the edge of the lake.
The cop, who already was wet, jumped into the water again and grabbed the hand. Dragging it upwards, Don’s head appeared, his hair plastered down, his eyes hidden under long wet lashes and pale, bluish lids. A thin red line crossed his throat.
Blood was dripping slowly from the cut, and Danny pushed his gun back into its holster before stretching his arms out and helping the cop to pull Don out of the water and then kneeling down next to him. Trembling fingers touched the hurt neck, searching for the soft flutter of a pulse, and Mac could have wept with joy and relief when Danny cried out, with a cracking voice: “He’s alive!”
“He’s alive,” Mac repeated softly. “Alive.”
***
A soft sniff made Mac look up from the bass guitar in his hands. Don was standing in the door, dressed in a long-sleeved shirt borrowed from Danny, and sweatpants and thick socks borrowed from Mac. He had taken all his own clothes when he had tried to run, and to get them, they would have needed to go to Don’s apartment, but neither Mac nor Danny had left Don out of their eyes since the afternoon.
Don’s hair stuck up on one side, telling Mac that Don probably had just woken up.
"What are you doing?" Don asked and padded closer.
Mac shrugged and played a few more notes. "Just thinking, about how much I love you." He smiled softly. "How are you feeling?"
Don sniffed again and shrugged dismissively. "I'm fine. I can go to work tomorrow."
He sat down on the floor and wrapped his arms around his drawn-up knees. "I like it when you play," he said softly. "Even if it's jazz."
Mac smiled. "Why aren't you sleeping, Don?" he asked and brushed a hand through Don's hair, trying to smooth it down. "You're running a fever."
Don leaned against Mac’s leg and rubbed his cheek against Mac’s knee. “Don’t know. Can’t sleep.”
“Not a big surprise, considering you slept the whole evening,” Mac commented.
“Play something for me,” Don murmured.
“What do you want to hear?” Mac’s fingers glided over the strings.
“Something not so jazzy,” Don said.
Mac grinned and played the first few notes of “Smoke on the Water” before returning to play jazz.
“That’s cheating,” Don complained, but he didn’t move.
Mac sighed and put the instrument carefully aside before pulling Don up and in his arms. “If that fever isn’t down tomorrow, you’re going to see a doctor,” he ordered sternly.
Don didn’t answer. He wrapped his arms around Mac and simply enjoyed the feeling of being held.
“I’m fine,” he finally said.
“Don…you were almost killed today, and then the icy cold water… And a fever is a sure sign that you’re not fine.” Mac’s hands brushed over Don’s short hair, and then over his neck.
Don shivered and closed his eyes. “I’m going nuts if I have to stay alone the whole day,” he admitted softly. “I don’t want…”
Mac’s hand slid over too warm skin and worn cotton to squeeze Don’s shoulder. “I want you to.”
Don sighed. “Okay, I’m staying in bed.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Mac smiled and continued to pet his shoulders and hair softly.
“But if I get bored…” Don began a moment later anew, and Mac laughed softly. “You won’t get bored, Angel. You’ll probably sleep most of the day, and when you feel better, you can watch TV.” He hesitated. “Don?”
“Hmm?”
“Does it bother you so much? You are my Angel – but if you don’t like it, I won’t call you Angel anymore.”
Don shivered slightly. “I don’t mind,” he admitted after a while. “I like it.”
“It fits you.” Mac pressed a kiss to his temple. “Angels are strong, fighting for what is good and right – not to mention beautiful.”
“Mac?”
“Yes?”
“I want you to promise me something.”
“Whatever I can, Don.”
“I’m not sure you can give it to me.” Don leaned back to look at Mac thoughtfully. His eyes were bright and feverish, red-rimmed and still so very much blue, and Mac had the strong suspicion that they would need to drag Don to the doctor within the next 24 hours. The red line and the finger-shaped bruises along Don’s neck reminded him painfully how close they had come to losing him for good, and his heart hurt at the thought.
“And what would that be?” he asked softly.
“Come home quick, okay? No double shift or endless writing of reports.”
Mac smiled. “As long as we don’t have to stay longer, we’ll be home really soon. You won’t even notice we’re gone.”
“Somehow I doubt that,” Don muttered darkly.
“You’ll see.” Mac pressed a kiss to Don’s temple. “But now you need to promise me something.”
“What?”
Mac tilted Don’s head up so he could look him in the eyes. “Never ever do something like this again, you hear me? The next time you think we’re neglecting you, tell us. We love you, Angel. We don’t think that you’re our toy. You are a part of this relationship. Is that understood?”
“If you ever do something like this again,” Danny’s voice interrupted from the door, “I’ll hunt you down, and then I’ll tie you to the bed. And I’ll never ever let you go again. Did I make myself clear?”
Don smiled.
“Crystal. It won’t happen again,” he promised.
“Good,” Mac growled and kissed him.
The End.
Author: Kathie
Fandom: CSI:NY
Pairing: Mac Taylor/Don Flack/Danny Messer
Rating: FRAO
Warnings: Is break-up-fic, angst, slash a warning?
Disclaimer: Not mine. Sadly. Otherwise we would have, at least, a bit more Don on TV…
Summary: Mac was prepared to say something completely silly he would deny later, when Don suddenly said: “I think we should break this up.”
Author’s Notes: Thank you very much, Ginny, who named this FFH (Fic From Hell) and encouraged, poked, bribed and threatened me while I glared this fic into submission.
Don sat up and pushed all ten fingers through his sweat-matted hair, making it stand up in strange angles, despite its shortness, and giving him the look of a man who just enjoyed wonderful sex.
Mac smiled – he had taken his sweet time with Don, and the slightly breathless sigh Don made when sitting up spoke of their extended and utterly satisfying lovemaking. Don could keep quiet when having sex, unlike Danny, who always encouraged them to make some noise. Don usually humored him, but today, it had been just Mac and Don, and Don hadn’t said a single word from the second Mac had leaned over his body and had brushed his lips over Don’s.
He rolled around and placed a hand against Don’s sweat-slick back, prepared to say something completely silly he would deny later, given the chance, when suddenly Don sighed again and said: “I think we should break this up.”
Mac didn’t know what to say, so he remained silent, his fingertips still on Don’s back, with Don’s body heat seeping into his suddenly cold hand.
He could only watch as Don pushed his hand through his hair again, stood up and started to gather his things. He watched in morbid fascination as Don dressed, underwear, pants, t-shirt, shirt, socks and shoes last, like he did every morning, and still he didn’t say anything.
His hand still rested on the blankets, where it had fallen when Don had left the bed. He couldn’t move a muscle, every breath he took was like a million needles in his chest, and still he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t fight this.
Finally, when Don had collected his things and was almost out of the door, he found the energy to ask one single question.
“Why, Don?”
Don stopped, but he didn’t turn around. “It’s for the best, Mac. For you and Danny,” he said quietly. “You have each other, you can be happy together.” Mac could see how tense he was, strong muscles tight under his clothes, but he couldn’t make himself go over to him, wrap him in his arms or hit him over the head.
“We love you, Don,” he pointed out desperately.
Don didn’t turn around. “Yeah,” was all he replied, and it was so softly spoken that Mac thought for a moment he had imagined it. But then Don straightened and said in a hard voice, and still without turning around: “If you love me, you have to let me go now.”
In the beginning, Mac hadn’t been sure about the threesome idea. It was strange – too many arms and legs, and it didn’t fit the way he was used to. He had some experience with men, sure, but not with two at the same time, and it was a struggle to not give the experiment up – because it was nothing more than that, when they decided to give it a try. Don seemed even less sure about himself, and he was the one who entered the relationship last. Only Danny knew exactly what he wanted, and he was the one who had suggested the threesome in the first place, and Danny was the one who chuckled at their awkward behavior and made them see what they felt for each other.
Mac was glad that he had let Danny persuade him to dream about Don – hell, some of Danny’s own fantasies involved even stranger things than his boss and his best friend, at least Danny claimed so – and now, he couldn’t imagine a life without both Don and Danny in it. And now this should come to an end? He wasn’t sure he could survive the loss of them, and now Don asked to be set free.
Mac loved Don enough to let him go.
***
When Danny returned home, Don stood in front of the door, a bag in his hand. Danny grinned. “Hey – I thought you were at Mac’s place.”
Don shook his head. “I was there. I left.”
“You left? Why?” Danny stepped forwards until he was right in front of Don.
Don turned his head to the side. “I don’t think this is a good idea,” he said and took a step back.
Danny blinked confusedly. “What? I’m trying to kiss you, and you don’t think this is a good idea? What’s wrong with you?”
Don looked down. “Nothing is wrong,” he murmured and brought a shaking hand up to wipe it over his face. “It’s just…a bad idea. The whole thing.” He swallowed. “I’d better go.”
“Don! Wait!” Danny made a step forwards. “Why don’t you come in, and we can talk about it, and then we can go to Mac’s place to have dinner – Mac promised to cook.”
Don shook his head. “Can’t.”
“What do you mean, you can’t?” Danny was confused now.
Don swallowed. “Because I just told Mac that I want out.”
With these words he turned around and walked away, leaving a shocked Danny behind.
***
The ringing of the phone startled him from his frozen state, and Mac couldn’t stop the glimmer of hope from appearing.
“Taylor.”
Silence greeted him. Mac already thought about ending the connection, but the sound of soft breathing stopped him. He swallowed and asked: “Don?”
A sigh. “No, it’s me,” Danny said. “So it’s true?”
He didn’t even pretend not to understand what Danny was talking about. “He said he wanted out.”
“And you let him?” Danny asked in utter disbelief. “The man is an idiot! You shouldn’t have let him go.”
“Danny,” Mac said softly. “He’s a free man, if he wants to go, he can.”
Danny snorted. “Did he say why? ‘Cause I don’t believe him when he says he doesn’t love you anymore.”
Mac winced. “No, he just said it’s for the best.”
“Stupid idiot! He wouldn’t know what’s best if it jumped up and down and bit him in the…”
Danny stopped himself. “Did you try to talk him out of leaving?”
Now it was Mac’s turn to stay silent.
“You two!” Danny sighed. “Why not?”
Mac swallowed. “He said, if we love him, we would let him go.”
For a long while, all that could be heard over the line was soft breathing, and then Danny finally said: “I want to know what caused this. He seemed happy with this. With us. I can’t believe he simply decided that it’s too dangerous or too much or what.”
“Danny…” Mac tried, but Danny interrupted him.
“I love you, Mac, I really do, but sometimes you’re as stupid as he is.”
And with those words, he cut the connection, leaving Mac standing with the phone in his hand, and without explaining what he was planning.
***
Mac pulled Danny close, but it wasn’t the same. The bed was too big and too empty without Don in it, and although it was only the sixth night since Don’s surprising announcement, it felt like an eternity.
Mac sighed and shifted slightly.
God, he missed Don.
He wanted him back.
Danny sighed softly against his chest, and Mac instinctively ran his hand through his hair. It didn’t help. He was still awake and twitching.
He wanted Don back, yes, but he had promised himself right from the beginning that he wouldn’t cling. If Don wanted out, he should be able to go freely.
It had always been Danny who had dragged them along, he thought. And now Danny was as clueless as Mac, and it made him feel angry and sad and a million other things at the same time, angry at Don for doing this to them, and angry at Danny because Danny hadn’t been able to stop Don, angry at himself because he had let Don go, and angry at himself because he was angry.
He tightened his arms around Danny – words weren’t enough to express how precious Danny was to him, now that he was the only one he had left.
Danny grunted. “I’m not leaving,” he murmured and pressed a soft kiss to Mac’s chest. “You can let go now.”
“Sorry.” Mac murmured. “Why aren’t you sleeping?”
Danny snorted and sat up. “I can’t sleep when you crush me, Mac,” he said. He wrapped his arms around himself. “Besides, I miss him.”
Mac switched on the light and sat up as well. “I know.”
Danny leaned against him and allowed Mac to wrap his arms around him. “Mac, I miss him so very much.”
“I know. Me too, Danny.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Danny asked. He sounded as helpless and lost as Mac felt.
“I don’t think so,” he replied carefully. “We don’t even know what brought this on. As far as we know, he simply had enough of this dangerous relationship.
Danny shook his head. “Come on, Mac. There is no way Don could have gone from I love you in the morning to I don’t want you anymore in the evening. Something must have happened. The only reason I could think of why he decided so suddenly to dump us would be if he thought it would…” he trailed off and swallowed.
“I love you, Mac,” he exclaimed suddenly and kissed Mac enthusiastically.
“I love you too, Danny, but I don’t understand…”
“You said it yourself: this relationship is dangerous. Still, Don would never break it up – he knew the risks when he said yes. Unless…” He waited for Mac to catch up, a triumphant grin on his face.
“Unless he thinks he can protect us from something or someone this way,” Mac realized.
“Exactly! He’s stupid enough to try something like that without talking to us – to you – first.” Danny smiled. “Now we only have to find out what he’s running from.”
“That’s going to be the hard part, Danny, he’s avoiding us like the plague,” Mac pointed out. Danny kissed him again. “I would, too, if I were him,” he said and pushed Mac down onto the mattress. “We’re damn good CSIs, and we’ll find out what’s wrong.”
***
Danny smiled triumphantly. “I think I know what’s wrong.”
Mac looked up from the microscope. “What do you mean?”
“I’m talking about Don. Tall, dark hair, blue eyes, a bit ticklish – remember him? He used to work with us, before he managed to get the cases you and I aren’t working on. Oh, and he was in a relationship with us, before he decided that he wanted out.”
Mac pressed his lips into a thin line. “It’s his decision, Danny,” he said levelly. “There’s nothing we can do…”
Danny shook his head. “But that’s it, Mac, it wasn’t his decision!”
Mac stopped and blinked. “What? What do you mean, it wasn’t his decision?”
“It wasn’t. Not really.” Danny leaned closer. “Invite me to lunch and I tell you what I’ve found out.”
Mac hesitated. Don breaking up with them had hurt, and he wasn’t sure he could stand even more of this pain. But something about Don’s actions was odd, and the analytic, CSI-part of his mind wanted to know what it was. Besides, if there was even the slightest chance to get Don back, he would take it.
Abruptly he stood up. “Let’s go.”
***
“What if he was threatened?”
“Danny, Don is a grown man. I don’t think he’s easily scared.”
“No, he isn’t,” Danny agreed. “But we’re not talking about some common criminal here.”
“Who are we talking about?”
“His family.”
***
Don Flack sr. was a famous legend among the NYPD cops for a reason: he wasn’t afraid of much. He stood down some of the most dangerous criminals of New York, among them the Mafia-like Messer family. But every time his wife came to the station – or later sent one of her two daughters, or young Don jr. – and demanded that he came home, he obeyed without hesitation. It was well-known among the cops that Margaret Flack didn’t lose her temper very often, but when she did, the best course of action was to take cover – or to do exactly the thing she wanted to be done.
So when the tall brunette woman entered the station, focused her icy blue eyes, so very much like his own, on him and said: “We need to talk, Donnie.” Don Flack jr. could expect no help from his co-workers, and since it was too late to run, all he could do was nod and follow his eldest sister out.
***
“I know,” she said, “it’s like an itch, and you desperately want to scratch. You found someone who scratches that itch for you, didn’t you?”
He wanted to deny everything, but he found himself unable to lie, and so he stared into his cup and stirred more sugar into his coffee.
“Donnie.”
“Yes,” he admitted reluctantly.
She smiled and put her hand on his arm. “I knew it.”
He risked looking up. “How did you find it out?”
“Donnie, just because you are the big bad detective doesn’t mean the rest of us has no deductive skills. Mom is worried because you don’t call anymore, and there is only one reason why you would forget all about her. And that is if you met someone.”
He smirked. “And what if I met a nice girl?”
She shook her head and pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear. “I was in your apartment when you didn’t answer your phone, Donnie. Remember the key you gave mom? If you met a nice girl, you wouldn’t need lubricant.”
He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, she leaned forwards. “I know you probably won’t believe me, but scratching is not a good idea. It only gets worse. Remember the scars your scratching left when you were a kid.”
And again he could only nod, because he still had them, these scars from his childhood, from where he had scratched and kept the wounds from healing.
“You need to stop, Donnie.” She earnestly looked into his eyes. “It would only hurt mom, and if you don’t stop, I need to tell her, you know that.”
***
It had been almost two weeks, and Don still hadn’t made a decision. He loved Danny and Mac, more than his own life. On the other hand, he didn’t want his parents to find out about them – and who knew what Alexa, in her zeal to bring him back to the right path, would do if he didn’t do what she wanted him to do. Briefly he considered leaving New York, but then, he had no idea where to go. He had been in New York all his life, he liked New York.
He didn’t want to leave, not Mac and Danny, and not the city.
In short, he didn’t know what to do.
But Alexa hadn’t forgotten, and she found subtle – and not so subtle – ways of telling him that she was watching him, and when she invited him to dinner, he knew that he had to do something.
It wasn’t that Don didn’t love his sister. He did, and that was what made the decision so hard. He couldn’t say whom he loved more, his sisters or his lovers.
***
“Donnie, you’re a cop. You know that this is dangerous.”
Don couldn’t bring himself to meet her steadfast gaze, no matter how much he wanted to. He knew that she was right, had known right from the beginning of their relationship.
“I know.”
She placed a hand on his arm. “You think you love them.”
He looked up, startled.
“Donnie, I know all about your relationship with Taylor and Messer. Don’t look so shocked.”
“Who told you?” he wanted to know.
She shook her head slightly. “It’s unimportant, Donnie. My point is, if I found out, others will, too. I only want to protect you.”
“I don’t need to be protected. I’m not a kid.”
“I know,” she soothed quickly. “But if you love them, you have to think about the risks they are taking. Don, you’re a cop.”
“You said that already. Besides, so are they,” he answered stubbornly.
“But they are not my brother. Don.”
“Don’t.” He stood up. Suddenly he felt like he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. He needed to go.
“Just think about what I’ve said. They are in the Crime Scene Unit, nobody would harm them if they are in a normal homosexual relationship. But a threesome, Donnie, that’s something completely different. You work homicide, Donnie.”
He pushed his hand through his hair. “I know,” he murmured.
“They might hurt them for being with you. You don’t want that, do you?”
“Alexa…”
“Donnie, I’m doing this just for you, you know that, right? They have each other. They are just playing with you. They are in a relationship for longer than the three of you, right? You are just some toy for them, don’t you see that?” She stood up as well and placed a hand on his back.
***
Two days later, when Mac leaned over him and kissed him, Don could only close his eyes and think about how he would break Mac’s heart if he would do it.
He had thought about what Alexa had said, and it was nothing that he hadn’t thought of himself, even if Mac and Danny always had been able to soothe his fears.
He didn’t want to leave them.
But he had no choice. Alexa had been right, the risk of discovery was too high. And he’d rather do it now than see Mac get hurt by his co-workers, only because of him. Or Danny, for whom every day was a fight, just because of the Messer name, or the Tanglewood problems, or the shooting of an undercover cop…the last thing Danny needed was this entanglement.
He let Mac make love to him, but he kept his eyes closed to hide the tears, and he bit his lip to stop the sobs.
He didn’t want to lose Mac. Or Danny.
But he had no choice.
If he didn’t do it, he would lose them, too, probably forever.
If he did it, there might be a chance that they would survive it, if anybody else ever found out about their relationship.
Besides, they had each other.
They didn’t need him.
***
It had been three weeks.
Three weeks since Don had made that fatal step out of Mac’s and Danny’s lives.
Don regretted it with every fiber of his being, and with every second that passed he wished that he could turn back time and return to them, to spend more time with them.
He knew that it was impossible, and he stood by his decision – it was too dangerous for them to be together, no matter how much it hurt him.
Seeing Danny and Mac hurt him almost physically, and so Don tried to stay out of their way. He had managed so far, even if it meant that he worked some strange shifts – he didn’t complain, because he couldn’t sleep, no matter how hard he tried. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see Mac and Danny.
He couldn’t go to bed. No matter how often he changed the sheets, he could still smell his lovers – his ex-lovers – on them, and sleeping on the couch gave him a stiff neck that didn’t help to improve his mood.
“Danny, no…”
Don frowned when he heard those words, but only seconds later he was slammed into the rough brick wall of the dark alley by Danny. His cigarette fell to the ground, unnoticed by his attacker.
“Ouch! Messer, let me go!” he hissed, but Danny didn’t even think about that. He just pressed Don into the wall and twisted his arms behind his back.
“I’m not letting you go until you gave me an explanation I can believe!” Danny hissed. “You just can’t simply walk out on us!”
“I could and I did. Let me go. That’s harassment,” Don answered furiously.
Danny loosened his hold on Don’s arms, but he didn’t release him completely. “I just want to know why, Don,” he said softly. “Why do you want to go? Don’t you love us?”
Don bit his lip again. Of course did he love Mac and Danny, but he couldn’t tell them that. They would insist that they would be able to take care of each other, and then something horrible would happen. He knew it.
“Danny.” Mac stepped closer when Don refused to answer and placed a calming hand on Danny’s shoulder. “Don’t push him into something he doesn’t want.”
Danny growled and pulled Don forwards and around to face him.
“Tell me,” he demanded roughly. “Tell me why.”
“I already did!” Don shouted and pushed Danny off. “I did,” he repeated softly.
Danny didn’t fight him. He simply stumbled back until Mac caught him. “But Don,” he said, in a very soft voice. “We love you. Doesn’t that count for nothing?”
Don didn’t answer.
“Don.” Danny tried again. His voice started to get a slightly desperate tinge. “You’re our Angel. We need you.”
Don’s face twisted. “You don’t need me, Messer. You have each other. I’m only a toy for you, to keep you from getting bored. Well, guess what, I don’t want to be your toy anymore. Fuck you, Messer. Just leave me alone!”
He didn’t care that he was screaming, or that both Danny and Mac were staring at him with wide, horror-filled eyes that seemed huge in their pale faces. He just had to voice his pain and anguish, and before he could start to cry, he pushed Danny again and left the alley.
The next day, he called in sick and stayed in bed. He felt miserable enough to justify it.
***
Danny stared after Don with utter disbelief. “What?” he whispered softly. He made a step forwards to follow Don, but his knees buckled and he almost fell down, if not for Mac who wrapped his arms securely around his waist.
“Let him, Danny,” Mac murmured. “Let him go.”
“Mac?”
Mac pulled him in a tight embrace. “He’s angry, Danny. Let him go.”
Danny leaned heavily against Mac. “Did he just say…?”
Mac nodded grimly. “Maybe this confrontation was not such a good idea at all,” he said.
“What now?”
He sighed. “I don’t know, Danny. Maybe he’ll come to his senses. Maybe he just did.”
“You can’t be serious!” Danny snapped. “Have you both lost your minds?”
Mac didn’t answer.
On the outside, he seemed to be calm, but on the inside, he was just numb. He felt nothing, only the sharp pain of doubt. Did he treat Don like a plaything? He certainly didn’t mean to, but what if he did?
“Let’s go home,” he finally said. Danny didn’t resist.
***
“Wake up, Uncle Donnie!”
The clear voice of a child woke Don up from the uneasy sleep he had fallen in. He growled, but the child didn’t leave. Instead, it poked him in the ribs with a pointy finger.
“He doesn’t want to wake up!” the child complained loudly.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart, your uncle is very tired. He’s not feeling so well today,” another well-known voice answered, and Don forced one eye half-open. “Mom?”
His mother sat in the chair next to the couch, where he had fallen asleep again, with her hands folded in front of her.
“Uncle Donnie!” the child squeaked and jumped on the couch and on him. Don could only blink at her.
“Ally,” Margaret Flack said sternly, and her granddaughter stopped her jumping immediately.
“Thanks,” Don murmured and groggily sat up.
“Donnie, you look horrible.”
“Thanks mom,” he replied sarcastically. “What do you want? Is this Central Station? First Alexa, now you and Ally, when can I expect dad and Rebecca?” He turned towards Ally. “Where’s your mom?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Donnie,” another voice added from the doorway. Don turned his head around. “Rebecca,” he sighed when he caught sight of his sister. “What do you want from me?”
“Me? I just want to kick you in the head as hard as I can, but mom said I shouldn’t,” she said and placed a cup of coffee in his hands.
“For what?” he grumbled.
Margaret leaned forwards on her elbows. “For listening to your sister, Donnie,” she said. “You were happy with Mac and the Messer boy, weren’t you? Why did you throw that away?”
Don could only stare at her, coffee forgotten.
She shook her head. “What, you thought we didn’t know? Donnie. We’re not blind.”
Rebecca nudged him in the ribs with an elbow. “We knew for some months now. Alexa…well, let’s just say she didn’t.”
“Wait.” Don blinked. “You knew about Mac and Danny?”
“Of course we do. Who do you think you were fooling? Everybody knew,” she snorted. “Please tell me you didn’t do something stupid.”
He didn’t answer.
“He probably did,” Rebecca said. “Poor Donnie, he threw away the best thing in his life.”
“Shut up,” Don hissed and stood up. “You want to tell me that I’m stupid, that this was an error? Fine. It was. But it’s done, and it can’t be made undone. So please leave me alone, okay?”
He stalked off towards the bathroom, hearing Rebecca’s voice behind him: “He really screwed up this time, huh?”
He didn’t hear his mother’s answer.
***
At first, it seemed to be a straight-forward murder case. A man had been found in Central Park, his throat slit. But when Danny and Mac walked up to the crime scene and saw the detective at the scene, they shared a short look. Danny changed his kit from one hand to another and murmured: “He doesn’t look very good.”
Mac nodded slightly. “Just let him be, okay? I don’t want the two of you fighting at my crime scene.”
“Sure, Mac. He’ll just ignore us, like he did the last few weeks,” Danny answered easily, but Mac could detect the bitterness in his voice.
“Maybe he just needs some time to himself,” Mac repeated, but it sounded hollow in his own ears.
Danny only snorted.
A cop stepped up to them. “Detective Taylor, Detective Messer – Detective Flack asked me to tell you our first results. The victim’s name is …”
Danny turned his head slightly to watch Don, who was standing next to a man and writing something down in his memobook. He nodded a few times while speaking, and Danny had to bite his lip to keep himself from going over and hitting Don over the head before dragging him home.
Next to him, Mac coughed. “Danny, are you paying attention?”
“Yeah,” he answered absent-mindedly, but his eyes never left Don.
Don didn’t look at them. He just nodded one final time, turned around and started to walk along the edge of the lake the body had been found in.
Time seemed to slow down.
The eye witness with whom Don just had talked pulled his hand from the pocket of his jacket. Metal glinted in the cold winter sun.
With a few quick steps he caught up to Don, stretched his hands out –
Danny gasped in shock as strong hands were suddenly wrapped around Don’s neck, pressing his chin up, and cold steel was pressed against his throat.
Mac frowned at him. “Danny?”
Danny made an involuntary step forwards. Mac followed his line of vision, and from the corner of his eye Danny registered how he paled.
“Don,” he wanted to call out, but all he managed was a broken whisper.
Don swallowed. Danny could see it, could see the sharp blade pressed into pale flesh, and he also saw the first drops of blood flowing.
“I’ll kill him!” the man screamed and pressed the knife even tighter against Don’s flesh. Mac saw that Don was trying to hold still, but his breathing had sped up.
“What do you want?” Mac called out. His voice was calm and soothing, trying to bring the man to drop the knife and let Don go.
“I’ll kill him!” he screamed again. “He mocked me!”
Death silence had fallen over the site, and they could all hear the desperate gasps of air Don was taking, even from the place Danny and Mac were standing.
“You don’t want to kill him,” Mac said calmly. “Just put down the knife, and we can talk about this like adults.”
The knife jerked against Don’s flesh. “He mocked me!” the man repeated in an angry whisper. “Nobody mocks me! He deserves to die!”
“Nobody has to die here,” Mac said and made another step forwards. In return, the other man dragged Don backwards, towards the water.
Danny could only watch with growing horror how the man dragged Don further away. The analytical part of his brain noticed that Don’s hand was inching towards his own throat, and then –
The man jerked again, and Don moved, and both fell and disappeared in the cold, dark water.
The second they disappeared from view, both cops and CSIs raced towards the edge of the lake, but there was no sign of human life in it, besides the waves that had resulted from two grown men falling into it.
An eternity passed, and then the water started to turn red.
Blood red.
***
They waited, their weapons drawn, their breath held, for a sign of Don Flack.
Mac couldn’t tell how much time went by, but his thoughts went in circles, in spirals, and the end of that spiral was always Don.
He loved Don. He loved him so much it hurt. And Don had hurt him when he had decided to leave them, even if Danny was sure that it wasn’t Don’s decision. Word had it that his eldest sister Alexa had paid him a visit at the station. Mac knew that Alexa could be very persuasive if she wanted – but he had no idea why she would try to force Don to end their relationship.
One short look at Danny revealed that the younger man was chewing on his lip intently, his gun pointed at the rippled surface of the lake.
Danny looked up, and their eyes met in a brief understanding: if Don should survive this, they would sit down and talk to him, and they would try to find out if there was a chance to save their relationship.
If Don survived this.
Eternity ticked by, and suddenly the attacker’s body appeared on the surface of the lake. He didn’t move, and when one of the cops went in and turned him around, they noticed that he was dead.
Danny and Mac shared another look.
“Stabbed,” the cop said and dragged the body to the shore.
“Where’s Don?” Danny asked softly.
Suddenly the surface of the lake rippled again, and a pale hand appeared. The fingers were clenched around the handle of the knife.
“Don!” Danny called and rushed forwards. He stopped right at the edge of the lake.
The cop, who already was wet, jumped into the water again and grabbed the hand. Dragging it upwards, Don’s head appeared, his hair plastered down, his eyes hidden under long wet lashes and pale, bluish lids. A thin red line crossed his throat.
Blood was dripping slowly from the cut, and Danny pushed his gun back into its holster before stretching his arms out and helping the cop to pull Don out of the water and then kneeling down next to him. Trembling fingers touched the hurt neck, searching for the soft flutter of a pulse, and Mac could have wept with joy and relief when Danny cried out, with a cracking voice: “He’s alive!”
“He’s alive,” Mac repeated softly. “Alive.”
***
A soft sniff made Mac look up from the bass guitar in his hands. Don was standing in the door, dressed in a long-sleeved shirt borrowed from Danny, and sweatpants and thick socks borrowed from Mac. He had taken all his own clothes when he had tried to run, and to get them, they would have needed to go to Don’s apartment, but neither Mac nor Danny had left Don out of their eyes since the afternoon.
Don’s hair stuck up on one side, telling Mac that Don probably had just woken up.
"What are you doing?" Don asked and padded closer.
Mac shrugged and played a few more notes. "Just thinking, about how much I love you." He smiled softly. "How are you feeling?"
Don sniffed again and shrugged dismissively. "I'm fine. I can go to work tomorrow."
He sat down on the floor and wrapped his arms around his drawn-up knees. "I like it when you play," he said softly. "Even if it's jazz."
Mac smiled. "Why aren't you sleeping, Don?" he asked and brushed a hand through Don's hair, trying to smooth it down. "You're running a fever."
Don leaned against Mac’s leg and rubbed his cheek against Mac’s knee. “Don’t know. Can’t sleep.”
“Not a big surprise, considering you slept the whole evening,” Mac commented.
“Play something for me,” Don murmured.
“What do you want to hear?” Mac’s fingers glided over the strings.
“Something not so jazzy,” Don said.
Mac grinned and played the first few notes of “Smoke on the Water” before returning to play jazz.
“That’s cheating,” Don complained, but he didn’t move.
Mac sighed and put the instrument carefully aside before pulling Don up and in his arms. “If that fever isn’t down tomorrow, you’re going to see a doctor,” he ordered sternly.
Don didn’t answer. He wrapped his arms around Mac and simply enjoyed the feeling of being held.
“I’m fine,” he finally said.
“Don…you were almost killed today, and then the icy cold water… And a fever is a sure sign that you’re not fine.” Mac’s hands brushed over Don’s short hair, and then over his neck.
Don shivered and closed his eyes. “I’m going nuts if I have to stay alone the whole day,” he admitted softly. “I don’t want…”
Mac’s hand slid over too warm skin and worn cotton to squeeze Don’s shoulder. “I want you to.”
Don sighed. “Okay, I’m staying in bed.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Mac smiled and continued to pet his shoulders and hair softly.
“But if I get bored…” Don began a moment later anew, and Mac laughed softly. “You won’t get bored, Angel. You’ll probably sleep most of the day, and when you feel better, you can watch TV.” He hesitated. “Don?”
“Hmm?”
“Does it bother you so much? You are my Angel – but if you don’t like it, I won’t call you Angel anymore.”
Don shivered slightly. “I don’t mind,” he admitted after a while. “I like it.”
“It fits you.” Mac pressed a kiss to his temple. “Angels are strong, fighting for what is good and right – not to mention beautiful.”
“Mac?”
“Yes?”
“I want you to promise me something.”
“Whatever I can, Don.”
“I’m not sure you can give it to me.” Don leaned back to look at Mac thoughtfully. His eyes were bright and feverish, red-rimmed and still so very much blue, and Mac had the strong suspicion that they would need to drag Don to the doctor within the next 24 hours. The red line and the finger-shaped bruises along Don’s neck reminded him painfully how close they had come to losing him for good, and his heart hurt at the thought.
“And what would that be?” he asked softly.
“Come home quick, okay? No double shift or endless writing of reports.”
Mac smiled. “As long as we don’t have to stay longer, we’ll be home really soon. You won’t even notice we’re gone.”
“Somehow I doubt that,” Don muttered darkly.
“You’ll see.” Mac pressed a kiss to Don’s temple. “But now you need to promise me something.”
“What?”
Mac tilted Don’s head up so he could look him in the eyes. “Never ever do something like this again, you hear me? The next time you think we’re neglecting you, tell us. We love you, Angel. We don’t think that you’re our toy. You are a part of this relationship. Is that understood?”
“If you ever do something like this again,” Danny’s voice interrupted from the door, “I’ll hunt you down, and then I’ll tie you to the bed. And I’ll never ever let you go again. Did I make myself clear?”
Don smiled.
“Crystal. It won’t happen again,” he promised.
“Good,” Mac growled and kissed him.
The End.